Geordie Al's Groundhopper Scrapbook: BFC 1-1 Burton Albion, Saturday 29th April 2017

Sunday 30 April 2017

BFC 1-1 Burton Albion, Saturday 29th April 2017

‘It won’t suck itself.’

The early bird catches the empty car park

Let’s start at the end. It is 3:30am and I am stuck somewhere in Crystal Palace. I have fallen asleep and missed my stop on not one, not two, but THREE nightbuses. I have ended up in Palace twice, with the other journey broken up at Farringdon when I awoke heading back to Kings Cross. Actually, I don’t remember whether I got off at Palace or not the 1^st time; maybe I just stayed on the bus for the return journey? Cold in Crystal Palace at half three in the morning, I gave up. There was a cab office in front of me. Taxi to Peckham? £16. So, my recent good run has come to an end. Just shows the state I was in after the match. Well, the last home game of the season comes but once a year…and things could be worse. The Captain had flu, so couldn’t make the game, but still trained it up from Southampton to Waterloo to hand over our train tickets. (There’s a lesson to be learned there, Phil.)

The point I gave up and got a taxi.

I arrived at Oakwell early; my dad had my ST and I was through the turnstiles by 2. It’s a bit weird being in a virtually empty stadium pre-match, though it made a change watching the players warm up. One last chance to win a home game this season and without a win in 8. By contrast, we’ve never conceded a goal to Burton, a record I was keen to continue. We’ve also never lost to them (4 games and counting). 0-0 would be perfect. All records could stay intact!

The Super Reds warm up.

Kicking towards the away end, we carved out chance after chance. No, scrub that. It was a vaguely open game but the best 2 chances fell to Burton; a free header over the bar and a chance on the back post where their bloke seemed to cross it when the goal was gaping. More fool him. Then, slightly out of the blue, we scored. (I say out of the blue. I’d been nodding off again, like I’ve done the last few home games. Age? Boredom?) Kent burst past a player on the edge of the box and laid it off just before he was royally taken out. The ball was then cut back and Moncur dug it out and netted to his right. A fine finish from the only bloke who looks like scoring for us right now.

The Burton contingent.

2^nd half, we came out all guns blazing. No, really. Bradshaw had a shot blocked, another was narrowly missed, and MacDonald nearly scored with an incredible overhead kick from a corner, the keeper saving low to his right. Needless to say, from our best 5 minutes of the match, they score. Burton send on ex-Leeds man Varney and he scores with his 1^st touch, another free header off a corner. BFC, here’s an idea: mark the centre forward bloke on corners. The reason he is a centre forward is probably because he is more capable of putting the ball in the net than his teammates. (Note, this theory may not necessarily apply to BFC.)

The Ponty v Burton.

Thereafter, not a lot happens. Kent takes on everybody and blazes over (twice). Hecky realises Jones won’t get any better and brings on Mowatt (Scowen switching to right back) before realising that Burton have no interest in attacking and pushing Scowen back into midfield and going to a back 3 (in reality a back 2; how AWFUL was/is Elder?) We carry on 2017’s Oakwell theme of never looking like scoring. Armstrong is even sent on for his customary ‘looks like he could do something but doesn’t’ cameo. The ref blows for full time, but not before Hedges is given a minute and a half to win it for us. Most pointless substitution of the season?

Injured or timewasting? Let's just say the stretcher wasn't needed,

*** Scowen. He’s here, he’s there, he’s getting kicked everywhere. Is it illegal to give yellow cards for fouls on ‘arr Josh? A couple, he was sent proper flying. Though part of his ‘problem’ is being so quick to nip in and win balls. His other ‘problem’ is his ability to drive forward 60 yards with the ball, as he did on one run 1^st half. A final Oakwell appearance before he signs for someone better (richer) than us?

** James. Cool, calm and calculated. He makes time for himself where no-one else can. A final Oakwell appearance before we can’t afford to make his loan permanent (not that he’d want to).

* Moncur. Another promising attacking display from our #10, playing the #10 role. I can see us building next season’s team around Moncur (till a poor run of results has him blamed for being too lightweight and subsequently banished to the reserves.) Don’t forget where you read it first.

Londontykes' Top 3:

A new plaque has appeared in the East Stand concourse.

Despatches:
MacDonald was twitter MOTM, but he had nowt to do (though marking Varney in the 52^nd minute woulda been good). Elder and Jones were in competition for most inept fullback performance of the season. Thank god they’re on loan. Elder in particular struggles to control a ball, hesitates, and lacks any positional sense. And we already have Kpekewa for those things. Up front, Bradshaw was anonymous. It’s ok saying we need to play him balls to feet, but Scowen did once (2^nd half) and Bradshaw failed to control it. Watkins was another one you never saw, least not till late on. As for Kent – what can I say that I haven’t already? If you see him once, you think ‘crikey, he looks good’ but if you watch him 30-40 times you see he’s the same every game. Beats players and loses it. No end product whatsoever. And while I’m at it, how comes he’s the club’s young player of the year? If we can’t vote for Hourihane in the main award (cos he’s not our player) how do we give Liverpool FC’s Kent our young player? Either way, says it all about the efforts of our OTHER young players. (Like Villa’s Hourihane, I’d give our young player to Villa’s Bree – THAT’S why they bought him, cos he was being dead good, like.)

Oh yeah. Roberts got the supporters’ POTY trophy. Hopefully his injury will put other suitors off the scent. As for the Londontykes’ POTY – crikey, I’d better start totting things up. I don’t have a clue who’s in the running!

Regarding tactics yesterday, how many times did I see us try to pass it THROUGH a massed defence on the edge of their box? Get the ball OUT WIDE and WHIP IT BACK IN. The one time we did, Elder (of all people) drove it across and their fullback nearly put the put the ball in his own net. The closest we came in the last 38 minutes. To quote a bloke who I used to work with (and couldn’t stand) ‘it’s not rocket science.’ (His other favourite line, which he would repeat every Monday without fail was ‘HAPPY MONDAY!’) He thought this was truly hilarious.

I left just before the end, to catch the train. Was there a pitch invasion? I suspect not, as the Ponty weren’t all lining up by the hoardings as per. Another great tradition killed by the club. But I did hear the tremendous backing of the crowd towards Heckingbottom et al AFTER the final whistle. Nothing like creating an atmosphere AFTER the (home) season has ended.

Onwards and upwards! (We’ll come 23^rd next season.)

The cameramen wait for the game to begin.

Drink du jour: Erdinger in #7, and choose any of vodka, gin and JD on the train. Not sure I needed the extra beer in the Parcel Yard, or red wine in Caminos (see earlier). I don’t think I was the only one ‘tired and emotional’ yesterday, as a few fans in the East lower kept singing ‘Reds, Reds are falling apart again’ to the tune of Joy Division’s ‘Love will…’

Away: 1,238, or approximately twice what Bristol City brought. A fantastic effort from the tiniest team in the division. Well done the Brewers on staying up. Hopefully another cracking away day to look forward to next year!

The Damage:
22.20 train
3 prog

The Tunes:
Dead Elvis (Death in Vegas)
Geogaddi (Boards of Canada)