BFC 1-1 Burton Albion, Saturday 29th April 2017

‘It won’t suck itself.’

The early bird catches the empty car park

Let’s start at the end.  It is 3:30am and I am stuck somewhere in Crystal Palace.  I have fallen asleep and missed my stop on not one, not two, but THREE nightbuses.  I have ended up in Palace twice, with the other journey broken up at Farringdon when I awoke heading back to Kings Cross.  Actually, I don’t remember whether I got off at Palace or not the 1^st time; maybe I just stayed on the bus for the return journey? Cold in Crystal Palace at half three in the morning, I gave up.  There was a cab office in front of me.  Taxi to Peckham?  £16.  So, my recent good run has come to an end.  Just shows the state I was in after the match.  Well, the last home game of the season comes but once a year…and things could be worse. The Captain had flu, so couldn’t make the game, but still trained it up from Southampton to Waterloo to hand over our train tickets.  (There’s a lesson to be learned there, Phil.)

The point I gave up and got a taxi.

I arrived at Oakwell early; my dad had my ST and I was through the turnstiles by 2. It’s a bit weird being in a virtually empty stadium pre-match, though it made a change watching the players warm up.  One last chance to win a home game this season and without a win in 8.  By contrast, we’ve never conceded a goal to Burton, a record I was keen to continue.  We’ve also never lost to them (4 games and counting).  0-0 would be perfect.  All records could stay intact!

The Super Reds warm up.

Kicking towards the away end, we carved out chance after chance.  No, scrub that. It was a vaguely open game but the best 2 chances fell to Burton; a free header over the bar and a chance on the back post where their bloke seemed to cross it when the goal was gaping. More fool him. Then, slightly out of the blue, we scored.  (I say out of the blue. I’d been nodding off again, like I’ve done the last few home games. Age?  Boredom?)  Kent burst past a player on the edge of the box and laid it off just before he was royally taken out.  The ball was then cut back and Moncur dug it out and netted to his right. A fine finish from the only bloke who looks like scoring for us right now.

The Burton contingent.

2^nd half, we came out all guns blazing.  No, really.  Bradshaw had a shot blocked, another was narrowly missed, and MacDonald nearly scored with an incredible overhead kick from a corner, the keeper saving low to his right.  Needless to say, from our best 5 minutes of the match, they score.  Burton send on ex-Leeds man Varney and he scores with his 1^st touch, another free header off a corner.  BFC, here’s an idea: mark the centre forward bloke on corners.  The reason he is a centre forward is probably because he is more capable of putting the ball in the net than his teammates.  (Note, this theory may not necessarily apply to BFC.)

The Ponty v Burton.

Thereafter, not a lot happens. Kent takes on everybody and blazes over (twice).  Hecky realises Jones won’t get any better and brings on Mowatt (Scowen switching to right back) before realising that Burton have no interest in attacking and pushing Scowen back into midfield and going to a back 3 (in reality a back 2; how AWFUL was/is Elder?)  We carry on 2017’s Oakwell theme of never looking like scoring. Armstrong is even sent on for his customary ‘looks like he could do something but doesn’t’ cameo.  The ref blows for full time, but not before Hedges is given a minute and a half to win it for us. Most pointless substitution of the season?

Injured or timewasting?  Let's just say the stretcher wasn't needed,

*** Scowen.  He’s here, he’s there, he’s getting kicked everywhere. Is it illegal to give yellow cards for fouls on ‘arr Josh?  A couple, he was sent proper flying.  Though part of his ‘problem’ is being so quick to nip in and win balls. His other ‘problem’ is his ability to drive forward 60 yards with the ball, as he did on one run 1^st half.  A final Oakwell appearance before he signs for someone better (richer) than us? 

** James.  Cool, calm and calculated.  He makes time for himself where no-one else can.  A final Oakwell appearance before we can’t afford to make his loan permanent (not that he’d want to).

* Moncur.  Another promising attacking display from our #10, playing the #10 role.  I can see us building next season’s team around Moncur (till a poor run of results has him blamed for being too lightweight and subsequently banished to the reserves.)  Don’t forget where you read it first.  

Londontykes' Top 3:

A new plaque has appeared in the East Stand concourse.

Despatches:
MacDonald was twitter MOTM, but he had nowt to do (though marking Varney in the 52^nd minute woulda been good).  Elder and Jones were in competition for most inept fullback performance of the season.  Thank god they’re on loan.  Elder in particular struggles to control a ball, hesitates, and lacks any positional sense.  And we already have Kpekewa for those things.  Up front, Bradshaw was anonymous. It’s ok saying we need to play him balls to feet, but Scowen did once (2^nd half) and Bradshaw failed to control it.  Watkins was another one you never saw, least not till late on.  As for Kent – what can I say that I haven’t already? If you see him once, you think ‘crikey, he looks good’ but if you watch him 30-40 times you see he’s the same every game. Beats players and loses it. No end product whatsoever.  And while I’m at it, how comes he’s the club’s young player of the year?  If we can’t vote for Hourihane in the main award (cos he’s not our player) how do we give Liverpool FC’s Kent our young player?  Either way, says it all about the efforts of our OTHER young players.  (Like Villa’s Hourihane, I’d give our young player to Villa’s Bree – THAT’S why they bought him, cos he was being dead good, like.)

Oh yeah. Roberts got the supporters’ POTY trophy.  Hopefully his injury will put other suitors off the scent.  As for the Londontykes’ POTY – crikey, I’d better start totting things up.  I don’t have a clue who’s in the running!

Regarding tactics yesterday, how many times did I see us try to pass it THROUGH a massed defence on the edge of their box?  Get the ball OUT WIDE and WHIP IT BACK IN.  The one time we did, Elder (of all people) drove it across and their fullback nearly put the put the ball in his own net.  The closest we came in the last 38 minutes.  To quote a bloke who I used to work with (and couldn’t stand) ‘it’s not rocket science.’  (His other favourite line, which he would repeat every Monday without fail was ‘HAPPY MONDAY!’)  He thought this was truly hilarious.

I left just before the end, to catch the train.  Was there a pitch invasion? I suspect not, as the Ponty weren’t all lining up by the hoardings as per.  Another great tradition killed by the club.  But I did hear the tremendous backing of the crowd towards Heckingbottom et al AFTER the final whistle.  Nothing like creating an atmosphere AFTER the (home) season has ended.

Onwards and upwards!  (We’ll come 23^rd next season.)

The cameramen wait for the game to begin.

Drink du jour: Erdinger in #7, and choose any of vodka, gin and JD on the train. Not sure I needed the extra beer in the Parcel Yard, or red wine in Caminos (see earlier).  I don’t think I was the only one ‘tired and emotional’ yesterday, as a few fans in the East lower kept singing ‘Reds, Reds are falling apart again’ to the tune of Joy Division’s ‘Love will…’ 

Away: 1,238, or approximately twice what Bristol City brought.  A fantastic effort from the tiniest team in the division.  Well done the Brewers on staying up.  Hopefully another cracking away day to look forward to next year!

The Damage:
22.20 train
3 prog

The Tunes:
Dead Elvis (Death in Vegas)
Geogaddi (Boards of Canada)

Panorama v Burton.

'Atha laikin Dyer?'

I'm impressed with this initiative (whatever I thought of Dyer, the player)

The old Main Stand.

This is how it feels to be lonely...

Who knew I sit near the 'F' of 'Barnsley F.C.'?

Bristol City 3-2 BFC, Saturday 22nd April 2017

‘WE WANT JOHNSON OUT, WE WANT JOHNSON OUT!!!’

Welcome to...the away end.

What a strange world. A year and a half ago, I nearly landed myself in a fight with other Reds fans for chanting ‘Johnson Out’ at a game.  Now, everyone’s at it, as I’m joined by the entire away end, notwithstanding the barrage of expletives casually drizzled on top.  Who knew that Reds fans’ favourite words began with ‘f’ ‘s’ or ‘c’?  Certainly the locals of Ashton Gate, who, bar scoring, were silent to a man.  

City Ultras?  Bless.

Shame then that we gave them something to cheer about, despite bossing the 1^st half. I hate it when the ball’s at the other end, cos seeing our goals are that much more difficult!  Either way I could see a shot take a deflection (Mowatt off Moncur) but, even sweeter, their mob were still whistling about a foul which might have been given against Marley.  Their bloke stayed down, we played on, we scored.  Like the stadium needed anymore vitriol added to the mix after Little Lee’s defection.  We’d even hit a post earlier (Kent?).  It was all too easy and they looked frightened to death.

Good job that new stand's got an upper tier.

The warning sign was there though.  It was emblazoned in large letters ‘ROBERTS’ as he himself got injured before HT.  F*** f*** f***ity f***.  We scrabbled to see who was on the bench.  (Where’s Jackson?)  We figure ‘Evans’ must be a defender.  Cos it’s either him or Ryan Williams to play centre half.  Christ.  Baton down the hatches, anyone?

Well, said baton didn’t last 10 minutes, as a cross was headed down and the loose ball fell to their only player, Abrahams.  (Actually, he’s not their player, he’s Chelsea’s, but he looked a class above anything else on the pitch.)  Their crowd wake up.  They camp in our half…which is the perfect opportunity for us to break upfield.  Armstrong (Armstrong!) races at their defence, lays it off to Moncur (Moncur!) who rifles it in from 20 yards.  I can’t believe what I am seeing. The away end goes potty.  Cue more obscene chants aimed at the Poisoned Dwarf.  This is fun.

Zoom in.  #33...Will Smith???

At 2-1, I felt a hell of a lot better than 1-0. We knew we could CONCEDE, but now we showed we could do something offensively.  A minute or 2 later, we’re breaking again, past the halfway line, and our player (Scowen?) is either tripped or pulled and goes down. He’s clear of their bloke, we’re 4 on 3, he’s comfortable in possession.  Not even a free kick, nevermind a yellow.  In a season of poor decisions, this is one of the worst I’ve seen yet. 

The view from behind the goal.

How long does our lead last? 5 minutes.  A hopeful ball is chipped up and Paterson does well, cutting inside and lifting it over the hapless Jones (another loanee who’s simply not good enough) before dinking it over Davies into an empty net.  Simples.  But don’t worry, we won’t have to wait long for the winner; a few mins more and Flint bangs in a header from a corner.  Who says we don’t miss Roberts?  A few City to our left (there were only a few City to our left!) return our earlier request:’Johnson, what’s the score?’   However, their hearts are more in celebrating their team winning than giving their chief midget any dues. 

Woo hoo!  We are a winner!

The game peters out, seemingly with them keeping the ball for ages down by their own corner flag.  Ho hum.  As Dave said ‘at least that means they’ll have to keep him for another season.’  Silver linings and all that.  Well done Bristol City; you’ve spent millions and avoided relegation.  Little Lee even has time to come on and shake his fists in celebration at the Reds fans.  I missed it, but I say good luck to him.  If we dish it out, he’s entitled to give it back, a la Winnall and THAT celebration.  Let’s not pretend like we’re precious or anything.  

Ashton Gate panorama

*** Roberts.  F*** it. 1-0 up, he gets injured.  We lose 3-1.
** Moncur.  ‘Scored’ two. Ish.  Cannot track back to save his life tho.
* Scowen.  Ran about.  I like a man who runs about.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Moncur 2= Roberts/Scowen

Despatches:
Kent had his moments.  Even looked dangerous once.  Armstrong never had a kick – till his role in the 2^nd goal.  A waste of a space.  Can’t we give Ryan Williams a run out in the #10 role?  At least he’s our player.  Lee came on.  He was funny.  Or s***.  One of the two.  (Do players get picked based on who their dad is?  Cos mine is Pele!)  Janko looked decent…till the fans chanted his name, whereupon he turned into someone else.  Davies had little to do (apart from the small matter of 3 conceded)  MacDonald was alright while Marley was physical without being overly involved.  Overall, I can’t question the commitment, but what a hole Roberts’ absence left.

Oh, and going back to the abuse, there's nothing like seeing a 7 year old start a 'Lee Johnson's a wan*er, he wears a wan*er's hat' chant.  'Does he even know what a wan*er is?' asks Dave.  Probably not, but he knows who is one.

Onwards and upwards! 

Happier days...the Super Reds come over pre-match.

Drink du jour: With Katrin in tow, we had a Selwood-inspired pub crawl down King Street.  A craft ale in a vegan pub (thankfully, my hot dog wasn’t…and it was the best one I’ve ever had…the sauce…the lashings of pulled pork over it…..hmmmmmm).  Oh yeah, then another beer emporium, possibly called ‘The Beer Emporium’ (Erdinger) and the Tobacco Factory after the match.  Sadly all nearly ruined by the choice of Fosters or Stella for the return journey. We need to source a decent offy if we’re gonna go there again!  

Away: 600 and odd rude, obnoxious, bitter ba5tards.  Fabulous!!!!!!

The Damage:
20 train.  Bargain.
25 ent.  Not a bargain.

The Tunes:
Careless Love (Madeleine Peyroux)
Mixmag Aug 11 (Above and Beyond)
Mixmag Dec 06 (Steve Angello)
Spirit of Eden (Talk Talk)

The future's bright

Is that roof a bit...odd?

Big teams and their big name sponsors

BFC 1-1 Brentford, Monday 17th April 2017

‘For a virgin, it’s a big ‘un’

Welcome to ....

This’ll be brief, cos I haven’t time to write much.  Another week, another failure to win a home game, another lead chucked away.  We can’t even beat (other) midtable mediocrity these days.  Marley put us ahead and I was lucky to see it – having nearly fallen asleep I went to the loo and came back in time to see him bury a close range effort.  No idea how it was set up.  Brentford equalise before the break.  If I could remember it, I’d tell you how.

The road to nowhere.

2^nd half, they coulda scored 3 in the first 5 mins….including a missed pen (Davies saving).  Did I read we’d given away more pens than anyone else in this division?  Very probably.  Looked a pen to me, as MacDonald mistimed a tackle.  Later, we had the chances to score 3 (Moncur having one saved and hitting the bar with another).  Marley and Bradshaw also missed one-on-ones.  A draw was problies fair, tho’ disappointing, considering a decent turnout, with match tickets a tenner.

Oakwell, from Grove Street Primary (R.I.P.)

*** Kent.  I know.  I can’t believe it either.  Looked lively, without scoring or setting up any goals. 
** Davies..  Quality finish totally out of keeping with this match.
* Moncur.  An improved performance. Perhaps there’s hope yet.  Twitter MOTM.  

Londontykes’ MOTM:  1. Moncur  2. Kent  3. Davies

Onwards and upwards! 

Drink du jour: PA (as opposed to ‘IPA’) and port on the journey back (needed to stay vaguely sober – work next day)  

Away: 664

The Damage:
30 train

The Tunes:
Black Holes and Revelations (Muse)
Protection (Massive Attack)
Aman Iman (Tinariwen)

'Come on you Reds' - the teams come out.

Super Reds v Brentford panorama

Injury in front of the old Main Stand.

A swarm of Bees.

Toby wins the mascot race.

The Ponty v Brentford.

A packed East Lower.

A nice day for it...

SSC Napoli 3-0 Udinese, Saturday 15th April 2017

SSC Napoli 3-0 Udinese (att. 38,764)

Welcome to .....

Easter, and what better thing to do than visit Naples? Pompeii, Herculaneum, Vesuvius….and the San Paulo, Maradona’s spiritual home in Italy, a stadium which once held 87,500 and must have been bouncing back in the day. What a place it must have been with Maradona and Careca pulling the strings nearly 30 years ago. As it is, the San Paulo now holds 60,000, despite the front few rows and back few rows being taken out of service.  (I suspect the former for advertising hoardings and the the latter through reasons of safety. Like many Italian stadia, it’s starting to show it’s age). And despite the athletics track, it’s probably a decent view for most, as the majority of seats are in the upper tier, unlike, say, the ‘London Stadium’ (I hate that name) which is all one tier. So obviously I sat downstairs…

The Napoli ultras.

Buying a match ticket was easy enough. The ticket office at Galleria Umberto I in the city centre sells tickets (take your passport!). €15 or €27? I looked at a stadium plan and thought, yeah, those cheap tickets look alright. I thought I was by the side of the pitch, but it turned out I was in the corner. Not a great view, but as there were several empty seats around, it meant I could have the pick. To my right, in the upper tier, was Napoli’s main ultra support (and they never stopped), but the rest of the stadium looked busy too, by Italian standards.

The ubiquitous perspex screens.

Being Easter, the game was on the Saturday, and, just for telly, it was a 8:30pm kick off. No problem - I caught a Line 2 train from Museo straight to Campi Flegrei and headed towards the beam of the floodlights. Little did I know, there would be no trains back; the service had stopped for the evening. I should have known…

Graffiti under the stands.  But why Vicenza?

Napoli, comfortable in 3rd, were facing midtable Udinese and the match itself showed all the hallmarks of this. Napoli cantered to victory with three second half goals and, even better, they were all at my end. So my penny-pinching ways hadn’t all gone to waste. A couple of minutes into the second half, a throughball was played through for Mertens to latch onto and finish superbly. Then a pass hit a defender, who, on failing to react, had the ball taken off him and hit home by Allan (I wondered why ther crowd were chanting my name!) before Callejon scored a late 3rd, hitting home a second rebound as Udinese were swamped. Job done, it was time to leave.

Fans salute the players on their lap of honour.

Outside the stadium, I perused the souvenir stands and couldn’t resist a Maradona t-shirt. It’s like they know they will never reach those heady heights again. Then a kebab and large beer, ready for my journey home. But no, the train station was shut and surrounded by police.  I  presumed they were preventing trouble, but no, the last train had gone. Bugger. Apparently, I could get a bus into town (it was a 7km walk) but after standing around for 20 minutes with a few hundred I thought ‘f*** it, I’ll walk’. There followed a one mile tunnel in jammed up traffic and by the time I reached the other end, only one bus had overtaken me. But having prepared myself for a dismal walk through the Naples suburbs, the tunnel brought me out near the promenade, so I could walk around the bay where there were still plenty of youth hanging out and couples having a romantic walk. So aside from the choking fumes in the tunnel, quite a pleasant traipse back (if that isn’t an oxymoron).

The Damage: 
€15 ent 
€10 t-shirt
= €25 (£21)

Sao Paulo panorama

The queue to get in.

The view from the corner.

The Main Stand (as much as there is one)

Scores on the doors.

The ghost of Diego lives on.

The neatest club shop display ever.

The clue is in the name.

The view from the far corner.

Anti-invasion tank trap.

Back of the bottom tier.

The cameramen line up.

Looking toward the ultras.

I'm not sure what this is trying to say.

Curva A.

Sao Paulo full time panorama.

The 'other' end at full time.