Rotherham United 0-1 BFC, Saturday 28th January 2017

‘Is there a fire drill?’

Carrie Fisher, R.I.P.  (Artwork in Peckham)

For some reason I didn’t feel as elated as usual after yesterday’s game. Was it victory fatigue?  Am I tired of seeing us win?  Was it the losing of 2 key players this week?  Was it the general awfulness of the match?  I dunno. Maybe it was just that I’ve had a sore throat all week and decided not to join in any chants, though the atmosphere was strangely muted for the most part anyway.

Welcome to ....

Actually, maybe it was having to visit two Argoses (Argo?  Argi?) in one day, in the hunt for cheap headphones.  Still, gave me an excuse to see Rotherham City Centre for the first time.  Not as bad as I expected, and certainly a bigger choice of headphones than Walworth Road Argos.  Henceforward, I returned to a limited (in number) Londontykes crew in the Bridge Inn.  Cracking boozer for pre-match football, full of Reds fans and covered in obscure scarves.  Apparently ‘well rough’ any other time (Barnsley’s premier ale salesman).

The Bridge: home of some very interesting scarves.

Still, a pleasant enough walk from there along the river (or is it a canal?) to the New York Stadium, home of the Merry Millers.  And for a new stadium, I think it’s great.  Although we were towards one corner, the steepness of the tier ensures a great view, which was almost a shame considering the fayre on offer yesterday.

If you squint, you'll see the Millmoor floodlights in the distance.  Or not.

The teams come out and we have a new HUGE BLOKE in midfield, Leicester’s (Matty?) James.  He is MASSIVE.  Thus, he’s not the quickest, nor did he look especially impressive on the ball, but he won tackles and headers. In fact, there were so many games of head tennis it was a novelty to see the ball on the floor.  But there were misplaced passes here, there and everywhere.  Of course, we shouldn’t have expected anything less, having lost Hourihane and Bree.  A team can’t gel just like that.  It’s just a good job we were playing Rovrum, without doubt the worst team in this division. 

The teams come out.  Love the roof.

Rovrum it was who threatened early tho, a break ending in a decent chance blocked. ‘HANDBALL!’ their fans cried.  But Mike Dean isn’t here this week.  And decisions generally go towards the bigger club and, for one week only, WE are that bigger club.  Not that I thought it was a penalty anyway.

Otherwise, we miss THE golden opportunity of the half; Armstrong is played through from the right, timing his run in from the left to perfection; all he has to do is get it on target, the keeper is in no-man’s land.  It clears the keeper and clips the bar.  On the train, I lost the chance of making a fiver, as Andy is convinced it was Bradshaw.  After my Roberts/McDonald debacle the other week, I’m no longer sure who our players are and I miss my chance.

The Barnsley hordes.

If I thought the 1^st half was poor, the second half was worse.  Barely a pass put together, and Armstrong was as surprised as anyone when it broke to him in the box, on his favoured left foot….only for him to strike the side-netting.  Someone put him out of his misery.  Luckily, Hecky knows better and minutes later Kent splits the defence with a great pass and Armstrong is through again.  He elects not to put his foot through it, seemingly intent on just getting it on target.  Despite the lack of power, it somehow goes through the keeper.  Worst I’ve seen us all season and we’re winning!

Even the floodlights are sexy in Rotherham.

Thereafter, I thought we were the likelier to score.  Marley remembered he was Marley and we constantly broke 3 on 3.  Unfortunately, Hecky held Hamill back in reserve, taking pity on the Millers (note to P: the Rovrum coach had Hamill in his all time best XI of players he’s coached).  Still, Hamill was given the last 3 mins plus injury time to wind the clock down in the corner. This is fast becoming his role in the team, and he does it jolly well.  Last seen being last Red off the pitch, milking the ‘Adam Hamill is a red’ chants and hoping Hecky was listening.

'He's one of our own...'

*** Davies.  Ok, not a lot to do, but 4 decent saves, and excellent handling.  Threw a couple off the pitch, but I blame the recipients (White daydreaming and Kent allowing one to go under his foot).

** Scowen.  Just as Josh misplaced a pass, 2^nd half, I heard this bloke behind shout how awful he’d been all match.  I’d just been thinking the opposite.  Despite losing the odd ball, he put in the proverbial shift, got the tackles in and broke with the ball.

* MacDonald.  Now I’m just guessing.  Rovrum looked dangerous initially from the ball over the top, so someone must have dealt with it.  Probably a centre half.  Probably MacDonald.

Full-time.  You Reds!!!!!!!!!

Despatches:
White was again worrying at left back, despite a decent tackle 2^nd half.  Maybe he’ll not be himself till he’s double-teamed with his best pal Adam?  Callum Evans came on for the last half an hour and I was impressed.  Tho I was impressed with a young defender at Walsall 2 years ago and he’s never been seen since.  (Centre half…wotshisname..last seen on loan to Braintree?)  The Everton bloke looks solid.  Kent had another of his games before he set up the winner, while Armstrong had another of his games before he notched.  These 2 flatter to deceive and need to improve if we’re not to miss our outgoings.  Bradshaw worked hard, but I’m not sure the supply was there for him.

Further good fortune today, as non-league Lincoln turned over Brighton in the cup.  This was a ‘reight result’ considering we’d already bought our train tickets for the Brighton home game…on FA Cup 5^th round day.

Also, hilariously, while the away support taunted the homesters’ early leaving with ‘Is there a fire drill, is there a fire drill?’, there really was a later drill, as the players apparently had to leave the stadium still in their kit cos of a suspect package.  Life imitating art or what?

Rovrum v Barnsley panorama

Drink du jour: A pint of Amstel in the Bridge and spiced rum and ginger ale on the homeward bound.  For a change, like.  We were even joined by a Blue Peter presenter nursing an injury from being squished by a female American footballer earlier.  She was grateful for our ice, possibly less so for my views of Blue Peter. 

Away: 2,601.  A sell out, and their highest away crowd of the season (according to their programme).  I learnt something else from their programme too…we have sold a ridiculous number of pairs of our home stripey socks.  Which explains why I can’t get a pair.

The Damage:
20 train
23 ent
3 prog
= £46

The Tunes:
Total Life Forever (Foals)
Friendly Fires (Friendly Fires)

Before the fire drill...

...and after.  Match still going on.

The Family Stand

..and under the lights.

and at full time.  See you next season?

Me watching them watching us.

BFC 3-2 Dirty Leeds, Saturday 21st January 2017

‘Hot tubs for Oakwell!’

Heaven is but a few steps away...

You f***ing Reds!  What a game, what a team.  Rumours of our demise have been greatly exaggerated.  So what if Villa want Hourihane and Bree? So what if Burnley want Roberts?  So what if you can argue a case for Davies, McDonald, Scowen or Watkins leaving?  So what if Sammy Winnall (Winnowt, courtesy of Redfearns) has signed for adorable local pub side ‘Sheffield Wednesday’ (ridiculous name)?  

Super Sammy Winnowt.  Dead to us.

Tonite it’s the turn of Dirty Leeds.  And my first wonderment is in the kick off time. Every year (seemingly) we’re forced to play against Washday or the Blunts at HOME, it’s virtually a midday KO.  So against DL, live on STV (Sky, rather than Scottish, Television) it’s 17:30.  Enough time for both sides to get outrageously drunk and up for a fight.  We arrive early to Barnsley and take up the offer of meat and potato pie and mushy peas (with sides of onion and gravy, as opposed to onion gravy) at Chez Jones.  I bet they regret the offer of last week.  For future invitations, you can’t go too far wrong if you offer me pie and peas, followed by rhubarb and custard (nana na naaaa, nana na naaaaa, na na na na naaaaa).  Just saying.  (FYI, that was meant to be the tune to kids TV show Rhubarb and Custard.)

Those loveable huggables L**ds must be in town.

After weeks of speculation, my mate lets me down and I have a spare train and season ticket.  So, after telling one interested party to f*** off, it's taken (I was more polite than that, but I might as well have done), what could be simpler than 'Meet me outside the club shop between 17:15-17:20 for a half five kick off?'  Well, obviously, it’s too much for one Reds fan, whose perspective on where to meet involves the steps outside Redfearns.  I realise this is all my fault:  ‘outside the club shop’ involves 99.999999999999999% of the known universe.  But I am majorly annoyed, given I had to tell someone else the ST was taken. Needless to say, I am doing nowt ever again for the tw*t who let me down.  He has f***ing annoyed me enough and thus why I am putting it in writing.

The teams come out.

So I had the pleasure of sitting in the Ponty myself.  The advantages of not having to sit in the East lower, courtesy of an immobile father, suited me fine (though he was mobile enough to write his car off in the fog, so he’s stranded in County Durham till he buys a new car).  Master Jones invited me to sit with him, meaning I was in the right hand side (looking at the pitch) where the atmosphere is - as opposed to those on the left who sit on their hands moaning at Hammill not scoring every 5 minutes (you know who you are).  It was buzzing.

Toby whips up the crowd.

And after half an hour or so of relative pressure from us…we get done on the break.  Having survived a 3 on 2, we breathe the sigh of relief of a corner, only for ex-Reds loanee Chris Wood to bundle home from the resultant cross.  Howthehell do you let a big burly bloke with c18 goals this season, trundle one in off his shin?  Well, McDonald’s failure to mark and our (Heckingbottom’s?) unwillingness to stick a man on the post were big parts.  Poor, Barnsley, very poor.

The old Main Stand.

This is the cue for all hell to break loose.  I ‘m not quite sure myself how many fights suddenly broke out (Dirty Leeds in our ends) but while I’m intrigued by passion breaking out in the East Lower, a furore climbs up our own steps; some well built teenager is getting tw*tted from all angles as he staggers up towards the exit.  Thank God (for him) that A. Jones, schoolteacher, hardman, profferer of fair play, steps in between the punches to literally drag this kid up 10 steps and out the exit, for his own safety.  While stewards stand around wondering why they’re being paid, Andy tells a couple of them to pack this kid out of the ground before he’s taught exactly why a Dirty Leeds fan shouldn’t be in the Ponty.  

In the East Lower (Ponty End) a larger fight is breaking out, while Idiot Corner (away end/East Lower) waits for us to score before it kicks off.  Loko has missed a treat again.  (FYI, Andy is rightfully more p***ed off about the effect this has on one young girl whose father takes her out, in tears.)  I’m of different stock and of a different era and I don’t have kids; I remember the blood on the streets of Barnsley when Newcastle visited in 81/82 and I do remember shouting abuse at them even then (if you want to picture it, I must have been somewhere near Benj Harrals, while they were on the opposite side.  God, I hate ‘em.)  But I know Andy is right.  This is deplorable.  But I’m torn.  Let’s imagine this kid has a right to see a football match.  He still needs to know better than to be supporting DL from the Ponty.  And no he wasn’t ‘disabled’ as someone thought.  He was all over the place cos of the punches raining down on him.  I’ve been in the home end at Swillsborough.  And Burnley.  And Sunderland.  And Huddersfield.  That could have been any one of us. I don’t know how he got that far up the steps, but well done Andy, who was on the end of the row, and could make that difference.

Tempers flare in Idiot Corner.

Oh yes, there was a match.  DL push on and they nearly nick a second from another corner – the Everton loan guy this time standing on the line to clear (FYI: don’t listen to Waddington telling you it’s a waste of time having a man on the post).  At 0-2 we would be facing MAJOR SH*T.  So, as we contemplate hanging on for 0-1 at half time, up pops Bradshaw to nod in from an innocuous cross.  (Winnall woulda scored two from that)  We is very happy.  We’d have been even happier had a McDonald header from a corner a minute later been on target, but one-all, half-time, mustn’t grumble.  WE ARE IN THIS F***ING GAME.

2^nd half, and we’re winning 3-1 B4 you knows it (I’m down with the kids).  3 mins in and a cross ball to the left and Armstrong turns his man and hits it early with his left across former England uselessness Rob Green.  Only, no, it’s not Armstrong, it’s Kent.  Christ, he’s been hiding that for 5 months.  We try not to jump around and shout f*** off f*** off f*** off in the general direction of the away end.  We fail.

We all love Raymond Kent!

Another 5 ins or so and we have a free kick on the edge of the box.  Houri-Houri-Houri-hane lines one up, before knocking a short one and curling a beauty into the top corner from 20 yards.  Conor: your mission here is done.  You may leave with our best wishes and good luck on your future endeavours (as long as it’s not with Washday or DL).  It’s a corker.  To think, I still remember THAT free kick at Swindon a year or 2 ago, bobbling out of the exit as we slumped to yet another 3^rd division defeat.  Respect.

What happened next?  (Clue: it's a free kick from Hourihane.)

We are in danger of running riot at this point and someone realises this is not good for TV.  Leeds United are a major force in English football and really ought to be in the Premiership/Intergalactic Entrepreneurialship This Is All Ours League Two: a hopeful punt forward has one of theirs head the ball against Roberts.   ‘Handball’ cry the away end.  The ref is nigh on 40 yards away (I exaggerate: 35) but he can spot a deliberate attempt to stop a big team player scoring against Little Old Barnsley, from there. Penalty.  It becomes farcical when one considers it’s a) not even in the box and b) we’re being reffed by a ‘Premiership Referee’ (Mike Dean).  Wood slots again.  I still hate him.  (Wood.) Dean has allegedly been dropped to the Championship after some Premiership error or other.  So what division will he be in next week?  Conference North?

Penalty: C. Wood  Assist: M. Dean

(At this point in the report I went to the kitchen for food, only to find my two pockets full of what I presume were Quavers;  this might be f***ing hilarious to my travelling colleagues, but I really am adverse to cheese, and probably even more so to cheese substitute, which smells even worse.  Would you put meat in Selwood’s pocket (ooh-err)?  Would you desecrate our Muslim contingent by stuffing their pockets with pigs’ trotters?  You would? Ok, fair enough then.  Morons.)

We have half a half to brazen this one out.  And we manage it, with relative ease.  OK, the highlights will show Roofe putting it wide on the back post.  But they won’t show the break wot led to it: Kent beating 2 players before being tripped over, the ref turning around at the wrong moment to miss it, while the linesman is obviously under instruction not to give owt the ref doesn’t see (see earlier).  Nor the drive into the box from Armstrong which was met by a body check, rather than tackle, for a fortnight running.  Why is it not a foul if he’s small and quick?  About the only one the ref got right was when one of ours (Scowen?) got lumped into the box and he gave a free kick on the edge.  This isn’t the Premiership – it’s not where you LAND wot counts.

The Super Super Reds come to take their ovation.

*** Hourihane.  Whythehellnot? Official MOTM and a blinding free kick seems the perfect send off to me.  Here’s to you, Conor Hourihane, Barnsley loves you more than you will know…
** Bree.  Quick, take that 4 mill.  Do we have some kind of right back factory line down at t’Well?  (Stones,,,Holgate…Reece Brown  Bree)
* Kent.  Whythehellnot?  Didn’t think he had it in him.  Proved Hecky knows more than me and Andy combined.  (‘Why’s he not starting with Hamill?’)

Londontykes' MOTM:

1. Hourihane
2. Scowen
3. Kent
Despatches:
Them pie and peas at the Joneses.  I vote we change ALL our home kick offs to 5:30.  Cracking food, more drinking time, a buzzing (midweek) atmosphere under the lights.  Davies barely made a save, but kept his kicks on the pitch (why’s it always one or the other?).  McDonald was solid apart from the 1^st.  Roberts was awesome, esp 2^nd half.  The Everton bloke came in at left back (as predicted pre-match by yours truly; Aidey White really hasn’t cut it upon his return).  He was ace.  ‘Hecky, sign him up’ etc.  If only twas so simple!  Scowen was tremendous, winning every 40-60.  Bradshaw was a bit anonymous, till he scored (the new Winnall!) while Hamill came on to do what he does best: frustrate the opposition down by the corner flag when we’re winning.  

The view from the Ponty.

Drink du jour: wine and beer, oh dear.  So red wine in Staincross (Mapplewell?) followed by wheat beer in the Old #7 and JD and coke on the way home.  Rock and roll!!!!!

Away: 5,200.  A sell out, but it seems DL can’t be trusted, they weren’t quite given the allocation The Mags were. Which says it all: less trusted than Newcastle fans.
We all hate Leeds scum, we all hate Leeds scum….etc

The Damage:
c40 train (inc earlier tickets we had to cancel cos match was re-arranged)5 taxi
2 fanzine
3.50 prog (ironically, after refusing to pay £3.50 at Fulham, I found myself buying a celebratory ‘Mr Barnsley’ one for same a week later.)
= c£50

Dear BFC
I know it’s only January, but I find it quite disheartening that I cannot purchase of a home shirt (size: medium) nor a pair of those stripey home socks.  And don’t gimme sh*t that I’ve had all season to buy these things; I have never seen a home shirt in stock in the half dozen or so times I’ve bothered to look.  So today I wore my ‘Pelada’.  Only you won’t know what I’m on about cos you’re only in the here and now and have no idea about our history.
Yours
A. Potential-Consumer

The Tunes:
Dimension Intrusion (FUSE)
The Race for Space (Public Service Broadcasting)

Me and Jonesy snapped off t'telly.

PS Little Lee Johnson.  Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  ‘Rebuilding phase’.  My God you are such a crock of sh*t, Lee.  And people fall for it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/38704934

"The Championship was never going to be easy - we are in a rebuilding phase.

"We spoke at the start of the season about history makers and it was supposed to be positive - not bad history.

"We've got to make sure we make history in positive ways and we can still do that this year. We need to fight our way back up the table. I believe that we can."

PMSL.  Keep it up, Little |Lee, keep it up.

Fulham 2-0 BFC, Saturday 14th January 2017

‘Here’s to you, Conor Hourihane
Barnsley loves you more than you will know   
A whoa whoa whoa....'

Welcome to ....

Yesterday was a was a strange day.  Having read endless missives on the Winnall saga, I was half expecting some kind of mutinous away end.  Not a bit of it.  Even as I walked through Bishops Park to the stadium, you could hear the Barnsley noise inside.  The general jist was summed up by Dave, pre-match: Winnall is dead to us.  We move on.  

Of course, it wasn’t the most auspicious of starts, without everyone’s favourite crap goalscoring centre forward.  We lost 0-2 to a side who, on second half showing (and the lesson they gave us at Oakwell) are simply a better side than us.  So it sticks in the craw that the only way for them to break us down was a decidedly iffy penalty in 1^st half injury time.  Also, how reasonable of Chris Martin to go on strike against everyone else but come back to bury us.  Equally galling was the late penalty he DIDN’T give to the Super Reds, as Armstrong ran at the defender, outpaced him, and was barged over.  The other week, Roberts was sent off for similar. This week: nothing.  And there I was, thinking refs always tried to even things up in the same match.

Martin: On strike one week, on strike the next.

Without He Must Not Be Named, there were a few changes. Ryan Williams was in. Hamill was in, Kent was out.  And with Yiadom on African Nations’ duty, there was a timely return from injury for Aidey White (who was promptly skinned early doors, twice).  Looked like a 4-4-1-1 to me, with Bradshaw leading the line.  And it was the latter who nearly bagged a second half equaliser, with a header which went wide.  ‘Winnall woulda bagged that’ I joked, as an angry bloke turned around ready for a row.  (It was diffused very quickly, when it was pointed out I had never rated Winnall..and neither had this bloke).

Fulham, you're just too nice.

Otherwise, the closest we came to a goal was when Hamill cracked a long ranger off the bar at 0-0. He ran at their defence, and was looking for the inside ball to Bree…who instead went wide, leaving Adam with no choice but to have a go himself.  (A later break by Hamill ended with a misplaced pass as Bree made the wrong run; the Hamill/Bree relationship needs working on).  But it was a promising game from the former Messiah.

The Riverside Stand.

It was a pretty open 1^st half, with both sides having a number of half chances.  They probably shaded it, but 0-0 seemed about right at half time…till THAT decision.  Second half, they ran the match, until Armstrong and Miller Kent were sent on to add some pace.  (Moncur allegedly came on too, but I wouldn’t recognise him if he came up and tw*tted me in the face).  Unfortunately, we were two down by then, undone by an excellent cross to the back post and a measured volley across the keeper and into the far corner.  Superb technique.  But what was he doing there unmarked?  (Scoring.  I’m answering my own question.)

...and the historically listed Stevenage Road Stand.

Let’s be honest, it was pretty one-way traffic 2^nd half and Davies kept us in it.  He gets plenty of practice these days, like a coconut shy at Penistone Fair.  (Do they have a fair?  Probably.  It strikes me as the kind of place.)  We were well beaten and I stand by Fulham being one of the two best sides I’ve seen this season, along with Reading.  All that was left was another ovation for Captain Supreme, Conor Hourihane, who, by the cursory clap and then gaze at his shoelaces looks like he's played his last game for us.  (Possibly) goodbye - and good luck.

Still, what I like about Fulham – you can get beaten and still enjoy your day. 

Obligatory shot of the cottage...

*** Davies.  Kept us in it 2^nd half with some excellent saves. 
** Hamill.  Looked keen. A pity he doesn’t have telepathic understanding with Bree (yet).
* Armstrong.  Came on and created (relative) havoc.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Davies
2. Williams
3. Hamill

Despatches:Some top drinking at the Sloany Pony in Parsons Green.  Unpasteurised Pilsner Urquell on tap and a pile of Londontykes to converse with.  And Alison Loko telling me about Little Loko’s latest betting faux pas:  stick a oner (?) on the Reds to win at Blackpool while at the game…think it’s not gone through cos of dodgy internet reception, so stick another 100 on….lose £200.  I’m telling you, you don’t get GIVEN a nickname like ‘Loko’ (Loco), you EARN it.  Ben – you were missed last Satdy!  (In other Loko news, he’s missing his favourite team Leeds play us next week.  I can’t remember if I've seen the photo of him in his first Leeds kit…but it’s somewhere).  Oh, and I had my 1st ever s*** in a football ground that I can remember.  It was near the end of half time, the urge just engulfed me.  Thankfully, the seat was still warm from the last chap!

Relief doesn't cover it.

  
Onwards and upwards! 

Drink du jour: Unfiltered Pilsner Urquell pre-match, Asahi in Mabels after, as we revelled in Harrow and Salisbury’s company all the way to Kings Cross. A great day for drinking and (for us Londontykes) not travelling.

Away: 1800.  Where did they all come from? Great atmosphere, especially 1^st half.

The Damage:20 ent

I'd have considered a programme, but why should I pay £3.50 when everyone else charges 3 quid?

The Tunes:Biggest Bluest Hi-Fi (Camera Obscura)

Craven Cottage panorama

Where else but the walk to Fulham?

Looking towards the Hammersmith End.

Look at the size of their gantry.

'Here's to you, Conor Hourihane...'

Craven Cottage at dusk.

Oh well.

Mansfield Town 3-0 Crewe Alexandra, Saturday 7th January 2017

Mansfield Town 3-0 Crewe Alexandra (att. 3,040)

Welcome to ....

Almost into the home straight now, only half a dozen grounds or so to go of the 92. An unkind FA Cup draw to a southerly based Barnsley fan offered the opportunity to go someplace new. And who doesn’t want to visit Mansfield at least once in their lifetime? Even better, I was to be joined by a couple of other Reds fans who are in the process of completing their own 92.

No Through Road

I spent the journey up from London trying not to be worried by the sight of fog over the English countryside. After all, a couple of Championship matches were hit last week and I can’t imagine the Field Mill floodlights piercing the gloom too much. Luckily, it wasn’t an issue; the match was ON.
There’s no point in giving you directions to the ground – if you arrive by train you CAN’T MISS IT. Especially if the floodlights are on. The railway track overlooks the town and there’s the ground, directly to your right. Unless you come from Worksop, in which case it’s on the left. But no-one comes from Worksop, do they?

The Ian Greaves Stand, towering over town.

I arrived early, so had a nose around town. For a football ground who previously had the claim of being ‘league ground furthest from a railway station’ (the station re-opened in 1995) I was rather surprised to find a rail viaduct cutting right through the town centre. Talk about rubbing your snout in it for years, largest town in England without a railway station (I looked that one up).

See what I mean?

I strolled to the One Call Stadium, somehow managing to turn down a dead end street which led to the back of the disused, dilapidated and condemned Bishop Street Stand. I walked around the Quarry Lane End to find another fascinating gem: the stadium claims to be the oldest professional football ground in the world. Who knew? Certainly not I, and certainly not my match buddies. All a little disingenuous when one considers Mansfield Town weren’t formed till 1897. But a little piece of history nonetheless.

'The oldest professional football ground in the world'

Tickets were purchased – the Ian Greaves Stand, lower tier. I’d been looking forward to going upstairs an’ all. Mansfield have 2 small, modern stands at either end, holding the best part of 2,000 each, while the Ian Greaves towers over them. I’d also considered that when (if?) the match got a bit dull, I could stare over the rest of Mansfield from my lofty perch. No such luck; my mate is not the healthiest and wanted to avoid stairs. I shouldn’t grumble.

Pre-match meet 'n' greet

After a look in the club shop (small and perfectly formed, rather than the rough and ready with pots of old programmes that I’d hoped for) we headed for the social club in the main stand. And what a place! Positively palatial, with comfy booths, big screens, hot food at one end and a large bar. Also, coming soon, were various musical tribute acts, and while Green Date (Day) could do with improving their name, respect to Oasish. Genius!

The OTHER club shop.

We had a good chat with the mascot’s dad (tho’ a Dirty Leeds fan, he seemed alright really). He looked about 25 and when I said he looked far too young to have kids, he said his daughter was 17. Must be something in the water in this part of Nottinghamshire.

Despite an array of seats being available, we stuck to the ones assigned – which turned out to be behind the away dugout. So, we could see ex-Barnsley legend Steve Davis, who was as unlucky as they come in being a key part of the side who took the Super Reds up to the Premiership, but got a career-ending injury in doing so. And we could HEAR Steve Evans, the latest Mansfield manager. God, he shouts a lot. Even when things are going his way, he SHOUTS A LOT. Today, the Stags won 3-0 (2 scrambled efforts and a 15 yarder) and he still seemed perennially angry. I’d love to see him when they lose.

A HAPPY Steve Evans.

Sadly for Davis, the writing seems on the wall. I’ve never had Alex fans as the most lively of supporters, but a couple had brought their ‘Davis Out’ sheet with them, on the offchance of another defeat. Good to see their hard work was worth it.

Davis Out!

I really enjoyed my visit to Mansfield. I’d go again. A pity that barely 3,000 agreed with me.

The Damage:£20 Ent£3 steak pie£7 beers= £30

THIS is how you eat a pie.

The Road To Nowhere.

Back of the home end.

Come On You Stags!

One fan gets his ticket.

Back of the Ian Greaves Stand.

The gantry on the Bishop Street Stand.

The away bench.

Underneath the stand; divided off so no wandering upstairs!

The unbearable sadness of a closed exit.

The away end.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

The world's largest scoreboard.

Yellows! Yellows!

Half time at Field Mill.

Goodbye Mansfield!