Monday 31 December 2012

Barnsley 1-2 Birmingham City, Wednesday 26th December 2012

'Never look a gift horse ......'

Another week, another home defeat, as Brum (one win in seven) come to Oakwell, get played off the park and come and away winning 1-2.  Once again we see the old adage.  If good teams win while playing poorly, QED, poor teams play well and lose.  A quick look at my fixture list confirms this is the 5th successive home defeat I have seen.  Can things get any worse?

As I said, we controlled the game - yet not enough to avoid the constant corners and freekicks we gave away, giving them their only chances to score - and boy, did they take them!  Debate raged as to whose fault the 1st was, a near post header by Curtis Davies from an inswinging corner.  Some blamed Steele, who attempted to come but what was never gonna get there.  Others (like me) blamed the defence, who simply cannot outjump anyone with any height.  Steele cannot move until he sees where the ball is going, cos he has to be worried about the 6'8" Zigic.  And to be fair to Brum, they obviously use Zigic as a decoy quite often, given how many goals Davies has got for them this season (note to Keith Hill:  Do your homework!).  All season we have been crying out for a commanding centre half.  A Shackell...a Tiler...a McCarthy....an Adie Moses even.  We have any amount of centre halves who would be good enough to PARTNER a decent centre half, but not one of them who can be our No. 1.  Or Number 6.  Anyway...

Just as we all worry we have seen this all before - another away team take the lead and will then attempt to timewaste their way to victory - we hit back within a couple of minutes, as a goalmouth scramble ends with Greening banging the ball in from the edge of the box.  Quality finish.

2nd half, we have an early chance to go ahead.  Tudgay and Dagnall are 2-on-1 and Tudgay threads the ball through for a normal sized legged centre forward.  Unfortunately, despite being at Oakwell for a month (seems like a year!) he hasn't yet realised how small Chris Dagnall is, and the ball is stabbed wide as Dagnall stretches.  But it gets worse.  Dagnall is later subbed (Dear Keith:  please keep Dagnall on, cos even if he doesn't score, whoever he plays with gets the benefit.  Instead, try taking Tudgay off, cos he barely moves and it's starting to annoy me).  Where was I?  Oh yes, a header hits a Birmingham arm, the crowd shout hopefully for a penalty and the ref actually gives it!  We are UP AND RUNNING.  Victory is ours!  O'Brien has the ball in his hands and who wouldn't trust Big Jim on his recent form?  Thankfully tho, our top scorer Craaaaaaig Davies has just come on, and without having had a touch of the ball, thinks he can simply bang it past England reserve keeper Butland.  Which is what he does - only about 6 yards too high.  You f***ing clutz.

Not to worry, there'll be another goal soon, and so it proves.  Dawson gives away a needless free kick from a decent crossing position.  The ball is yet again whipped into the danger zone (the area between the keeper and our defence) and everyone watches Curtis Davies wander in to bullet another header into our net.  Appalling free kick to give away, but we keep on doing it.  Why, against a team who have only looked dangerous from crosses, do we give them the chance to put in...crosses?  I am gobsmacked.  I was given a new t-shirt for Xmas, by the way, emblazoned with the slogan 'Football is a game you play with your brain'.  I must order a job lot for the squad at Oakwell.

*** Perkins.  Amazingly taken off by Hill.  Least, it would be amazing, had we not seen Hill take off our best player in previous games too (the likes of Dawson, while Mellis gets his usual 90 minutes).  The crowd let Hill know this time, booing loudly.  Later on, when the sponsors name Perkins as MOTM, it's the loudest cheer since our goal.  Hill, take note.

** Golbourne.  Again, didn't put a foot wrong.  Improves as the season goes on, despite his complete lack of a right foot.  Even managed the odd decent cross today.

* Stones.  Solid in defence, a threat going forward.

Despatches:  824 Brum fans?  Really?  Looked about 400.  Sounded like a dozen.  Must be the quietest, most fickle bunch in the land.  I guess Birmingham is only a tiny little place...

Onwards and upwards!

Barnsley 1-3 Blackburn Rovers, Saturday 29th December 2012 (Keith Hill R.I.P.)

So, tis the end of an(other) era.  Farewell Keith - and Good Luck.

Of course, if yer gonna get sacked, best to go out with a whimper.  Losing at home to a side who've lost 5 in 6, are completely rudderless and the subject of a radio 5 phone-in - Is there a bigger laughing stock in football at the moment than Blackburn Rovers?  (Insert club of your choice who play at Oakwell HERE).

And so it was that we found out exactly whose fault the Boxing Day Brum defeat was:  Dagnall, Stones and Sir Bobby of Hassell.  Replaced by Davies (hapless), Foster (hopeless) and Wiseman (hilarious).  Sounds like a modern day re-working of the 7 dwarves, but without the laughs.  Oh, and Done in for Greening.  Clueless.

0-1: a ball over the top sees Foster actually RUN AWAY from his man to mark someone else.  Said bloke cannot believe he's been given a free run at goal and runs in, shoots, Steele saves the one-on-one, it comes back to him...hits him?...and dribbles towards goal where Golbourne doesn't even consider using his right foot to clear it off the line and it crawls in.  Christ on a bike.

0-2: O'Brien chases back 30 yards to make a great challenge on the halfway line.  Sadly, he then gets done (small 'd') and is left the wrong side, as their bloke strolls out with the ball.  Ball gets played out to their left wing where, somehow, their bloke only has Wiseman to beat.  Without even a shimmy, he leaves Wiseman for dead then drives a shot straight through Steele on the near post.  Appalling.  But it does give what, in hindsight, was Keith Hill's death rattle - Wiseman being booed every time he touched the ball.  I wish the half could have gone on for longer, cos I was starting to enjoy that.

Half time comes and he takes Wiseman (and Done) off.  And if I read it right, the reason why he dropped Stones for Wiseman in the first place was 'to take Stones out of the firing line'.  Ho bloody ho.  Are we Reds fans REALLY famous for hammering our homegrown stars with ability who are actually trying to DO SOMETHING?  Don't answer that.

Anyone who wasn't there already knows the tale of our season by now - we've played relatively well, controlled the game, and find ourselves losing.  But I'm hopeful - despite not scoring 2 goals in a home game ALL SEASON, I tell my dad we'll score 3 in a half to record a famous victory.  OUR SEASON STARTS HERE.  Well, I was half right!

Despite not creating owt, 2nd half, we pull one back when Redfear...sorry, Dawson, drives past a couple of players and into the box and then hammers a left footer into the top right hand corner from just inside the box.  Fans cheer but there's no conviction.  Were they worried the comeback was ON and Keith Hill would remain IN?  Unfortunately, the comeback is probably over once Tudgay goes in for a header and crashes into the keeper.  He's completely laid out and the ensuing delay brings 9 minutes of proper 'injury' time.  Presuming it's the end of his stay at Oakwell, and I DO hope he's recovered, but I couldn't help but think 'excellent, perhaps we can get him off our wage bill now as well, bloody waste of space'.  And this was one of his GOOD games!

We continue to take the game to Rovers, but are stretched, what with having only ten men and all (hang on - haven't we played with 10 men the entire time Tudgay's been here???).  Consequently, we all get to see who you DON'T want to see try to defend against Jordan Rhodes, one-on-one, despite being at the ball 1st.  Why, it's Super Jim McNulty!  That bloke who used to be a defender for us, but this season has collapsed into a wallowing mass of panicky jelly, with delusions of Beckenbaueresque grandeur.  Ball bounces awkwardly, McNulty heads ball up in air, cedes possession to Rhodes (use your STRENGTH for chrissakes and stop s***ing yourself!!!!) who knocks it past him and fires home.

*** Dawson.  There is only one player on the park.  So it goes without saying he doesn't get MOTM.
** O'Brien.  Constant endeavour from central-mid.  Sponsors MOTM.
* Stones.  Can't be hard to look good tho when you're replacing Scott Wiseman.

Despatches:
Noble-Lazarus came on and looked dangerous (until he shot - 2 high wide and not very handsome) and Sinclair looked alright.  Or are these things relative?

Aside from the booing of Wiseman, my other Favourite Thing was when McNulty strolled forward with the ball, looked left, looked right, looked ahead, then got tackled and jumped up berating anyone and everyone while they counter-attacked.  Dangerous Brian O'Callaghan's entire BFC career probably only involved being done like this 3 times, yet McNulty loses it EVERY match in this way, at least once.

Bottom of the table, there is only one way to go now - ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!  Discussion on the train (drink du jour:  Smirnoff vodka and coca-cola - the real thing) included me wondering when, or if, Barnsley FC have EVER finished bottom of the table before .  Certainly not in my lifetime!  A text from Official Barnsley Trainspotter P. Waddington comes up with the answer:  1963/64 or summat.  Could this be the 1st Reds side in nearly 50 years to come rock bottom?  We're already on our longest run of home games without a win since 1952-53 (thanks to the Chronicle for that).  Still, there is hope.  If Roy Castle is right, and if we want to beat any records, then 'dedication's what you need'.  Another thing we don't have.

Keith Hill, R.I.P.

Sunday 23 December 2012

Millwall 1-2 Barnsley, Saturday 22nd December 2012

HAPPY CHRISTMAS KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rumour has it Keith Hill has been added to the Londontykes Yahoo group as he takes on board my advice and plays O'Brien, Perkins, Dawson....and Sir Bobby!  I'm sure he'd have had Tudgay out as well, were it not for an injury depriving us of Davies.

'Fack me, how'd we lose to THEM?'*  Well, I'll tell you how.  We scored more goals than you.  1st half, we withstood a decent period of pressure then ran to the other end of the field and a smart move involved Dagnall (?) cutting inside, hitting a shot, the keeper saved and Dawson was left with a tap in.  Great counter attack.  Earlier, Henderson had blazed a penalty high and wide after what looked like an outlandish claim.  Their guy cuts inside Wiseman, who appeared to pull his leg back as their guy takes a dive.  The ref (Trevor 'Bloody' Kettle) takes an age to whistle, so much so I was convinced he'd blown for the dive.  The linesman, meanwhile, saw nought.

2nd half, and our job is done when their midfielder is sent off for a challenge on Perkins.  I could only see 2 blokes sliding in for a challenge, but to be fair to Pompey Ian, he called it straight away - their bloke 'scissoring' ours, with both feet off the floor.  Of course, this is Barnsley and the job is never done.  We spend half an hour playing on the break, and every time we had the ball it was 3 v 3 or 4 v 4.  But we needn't bother trying too hard to score cos never in a million years will the Lions pull one back.  Ha!  One incident summed it up for me.  We win a corner, it's taken short, then we play it back to Foster, 30 yards from goal and he punts it over the bar.  Sorry, but how many times has Stephen Foster scored from 30 yards?  And why, in a match against giants, are we not putting our biggest fellas in the box off a corner?  Christ.

I tell yer wot, it only takes a cross from a dead ball for them to score (they had plenty of those, and as I said, they had 3 or 4 MASSIVE blokes).  Or b) an aimless hoof down the pitch.  I haven't seen it on telly yet, but one centre half takes more notice of the centre forward rather than the ball, and the ball clears his head, while the other centre half watches their other forward run past him and onto the hoof.  We work so hard to take a lead and yet we can give them a goal from anything.

Thankfully, Millwall have scored too early.  Although they had the momentum for a few minutes, they started committing way too many men to the attack (they have to learn when to settle for a point, the fools!) and I was increasingly optimistic we'd still steal it.  I find it difficult to understand the psychology of (Barnsley) footballers.  While we're winning 1-0, there is absolutely no need to force a 2nd, yet as soon as they realise the points are slipping away, they roll their sleeves up, dig deep....and hit them where it hurts.

MOTM?  Everyone played well, everyone made mistakes.

*** Dawson.  Redfearn does it again, as he drives from midfield and bags what coulda...shoulda....been the winner.
** Golbourne.  Kept possession, clever balls down the line, always made himself available.
* Sir Bobby.  Classic Sir Bob in the 1st half, as he held his defensive midfield position, drove forward when appropriate and threw himself into crucial blocks in the box when the defenders weren't up to the task.  Welcome back!!!

Despatches:
Dear BFC, here's a tip for you.  When the 2 midget forwards are up against 2 brick s***houses of a central defence, try NOT to spend the match kicking balls to their heads.  They will not be able to hold the ball up, Millwall will win back possession and we will be back on the defensive foot.  Just a thought.  It was no surprise that when the winner came it was when we were playing the ball to feet and dragging (slow) defenders out to places they couldn't recover from.  Another great breakaway goal, with Tudgay having so much time he turns around, looks at the linesman, cannot believe he's onside, then trundles towards goal before dinking the ball superbly over the keeper.  200 Reds fans go ballistic.  200 Reds fans start hiding their scarves for the journey out of the ground.

Defence:  After Crainie went off injured, Wiseman came on as centre half.  I'll not knock him for the penalty, cos as I said, I didn't think it was one.  But he was given a torrid time at by their brick s***house of a centre forward and he took an early booking.  So fair play to him when, during a lull in proceedings, he trotted over to the bench, had a word, and before you knew it, him and Stones had swapped positions.  Well done that man.

Keith Hill:  Well done on putting out a team of triers.  But the substitutions were a tad strange.  Tudgay was a virtual passenger in that last half an hour.  And Hill would have been hung had we not won, taking off O'Brien for no particular reason.

Sir Bobby:  The crowd let him know - he is the love of their lives.  Can anyone tell me the last match he played?  Yes, that's right, Charlton away.  Coincidence?

JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY, OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO SEE BARNSLEY WIN AWAY, OHHH.....

* said a bloke on the train.


Further despatches:
 
Golbourne threaded the through ball for the goal - which looked offside.  Or was it Tudgay's turn of pace???
 
And it was NEVER a penalty in a gazillion years.  Absolutely outrageous.

Saturday 22 December 2012

Barnsley 0-1 Washday, Saturday 15th December 2012

Better never than late...apologies all.  Could this be the first MOTM e-mail which blames pantomime practice (and actual execution) for not sending my views earlier???

Anyway, decent performance, disastrous result.  3 cleared off the line for us, none cleared off the line for them.  Result?  0-1.  Lots of controversy about the goal as everyone bar me blames a foul on the keeper.  In real time, it looked like Steele flapped.  At the least, if only he'd gone to punch it rather than catch it, we'd have problies been safe.  No, what got my goat about the ref was the way that 5 minutes later he gives a free kick for a foul on THEIR keeper which never was.  How comes, every other team puts a player on Steele and there's never a free kick, and then, the minute we do it, it's a foul.  If you saw the replay, Davies simply stands there, the keeper pushes him out (penalty?) and then runs around him to crash into his own player.  I'm still growling.

*** Perkins.  Ran the match when he came on.
** O'Brien.  What a difference a bit of energy in central midfield made.
* Dawson.  Took the game to Washday before being shunted out wide for the above substitutions.

Despatches:
the defence played well, and so did Davies.  What a shame then that he has to play up there with such a no-mark as Tudgay.  He's the lower league Berbatov, without the goals or the skill.  Nice header over the bar from close in too.  Reminded me of another ex-Reds striker a decade ago.

Then there's Buzsacky, who somehow manages to look anonymous despite having the key position on the park, central midfield.  Did we see the (immediate) future at Oakwell last week?  A high octane central midfield whose energy alone was enough to overcome Washday?  Perhaps get the equally high octane Dagnall back up front alongside Davies too?  (Ok, he never scores, but his game opens it up for others).  Anyway, it says alot for these loan signings, that the best we've looked is when Hill plays his Primark players.

As for Hill, I appeared to be in minority of one and a half who don't want him sacked (yet).  I'd give him the Millwall game and the 2 home games over Xmas...and if we still haven't won, get him out.  There were hints at what we can do against Washday (tho admittedly they did look awful.  Will we be meeting them again next season in division 3?)

As for the Big Nite Out, Marius got to see why we like the Old Number 7 so much, as we were turfed out for a fire alarm.  Good timing tho, as I was queing for a round at the time.  And in the afternoon, we couldn't get a beer on tap cos they'd given out - but thankfully, Waddington had the staff take out bottles from their Xmas gift sets.  And after a curry overlooking the cleavages of Peel Square, we went to see Hicksy's mate's band, who I thought were tremendous.  For anyone else who liked their sound, pick up a copy of 'Death of Cool' by early 90s indie troubadours Kitchens of Distinction.  Seriously.

Come on you Reds!  Now gotta s***, shower and not shave for Millwall.

0-1 to Barnsley.

Monday 3 December 2012

Watford 4-1 Barnsley, Saturday 1st December 2012

I’m confused.  I could swear the Super Reds played some decent stuff at times and ran the game for chunks.  So how comes we let in 4 goals, they hit the woodwork at least twice and Steele made 3 amazing saves?  Well, perhaps some clues could be had from the goals conceded:

#1.  Free header from a corner.  Tudgay is the ‘marker’ as Deeney heads home.  Presumably Hill did his homework and assigned the centre halves to other players?  (Their centre halves?)

#2.  Everyone in the away end sees their bloke break down the left.  Everyone in the away end knows the player he’s just played it to is going to backheel the ball for player #1 to run onto. Unfortunately, Crainie doesn’t and the player is now free.  No worries, we have plenty of other defenders available.  Only Foster stands and stares, doesn’t bother closing down, electing to stay with his man.  Their left back cannot believe he’s got a free run at goal from virtually the corner flag and pokes it through Steele’s legs from an angle.

#3.  Hilarious this one.  Crainie is pulled up for a foul and while he’s arguing with the ref (even bothering to make sure he’s no longer ‘goal side’) they take it quick.  Their centre forward drops back a couple of paces to take possession and drills it into the bottom corner while Foster (who’s attention he has evaded) stands rooted.  (This is the same Foster, btw, who the others will tell you is MotM – well, that’s what they said in the pub.)

#4.  McNulty finds himself completely the wrong side of their man and tries to do what he has systematically failed to do all match – tackle somebody.  Needless to say, he ends up bringing down the man and the penalty is despatched confidently.

The second goal was the killer.  At the start of the second half, it was all us.  In fact, I was just complaining to Salisbury that the ball had been down the far end too long and I wanted some action where we were.  One attack later and it’s 2-0.  Over and out.  Goodnight Barnsley FC.  

However, even in the first half we more than matched them.  The catalyst for this was probably the enforced subbing of an injured Mellis, for Dawson.  The bloke in front allowed himself a chuckle as I told Mellis he limps faster than he runs (I swear this is true. No, not that I made the comment, or that the bloke laughed.  But Mellis even put a jog on as he limped off).  Dawson came on and for the rest of the half took the game to them.  Tho perhaps the highlight was when he ran 20 yards to foul their player (who was shepherding it out for a goal kick) then told him to f*** off when he put his hand up, wanting to be helped him up.  That’s the spirit, Stephen!

Sinclair missed the best (only?) chance.  Through on goal, by rounding the keeper he gave the defender that extra second to get back and the resulting shot was duly cleared off the line.

Christ, nearly forgot MotM, ie, the whole point of this e-mail.

*** Steele.  Couldn’t blame him for the goals and kept us in it with some super saves.
** Dawson.  Cracking 15 minutes, then disappeared.
* Greening.  Solid.

Oh, and guess who we shared the train with back to London? Well, none other than Mr Greening, who was off to London to see a musical with the missus (‘Wicked’, since you ask).  No, he doesn’t like musicals, no, he won’t enjoy it cos we’ve lost, but he’s definitely looking forward to his lie in tomorrow, without 3 kids crawling all over him.  Anyway, he seemed a decent chap.  As all north-easterners are.  No-one gave him a hard time, since he had yet another good game.  Oh, and he was also a bit annoyed that we’d conceded that 2nd goal when we were in control of the match.

As for the fans today, not a big turnout (no surprise there) but time is running out for Hill.  It is now officially ‘Bobby Hassell’s red and white army’ and 10/10 for my favourite chant….’Rochdale, it’s just like watching Rochdale’.  If we lose to Washday in a fortnight, Hill needn’t worry about what the players eat and drink over Xmas, cos he simply won’t be there.

Despatches:
If Jim O'Brien cannot get into our team, we must be pushing for promotion.  Once again he came on, looked keen and was sadly only let down by the other 9 or 10 outfield players.  Reuben also looked keen ('We need bloody Lazarus' cried one wag).  

As for bl**dy awful, how s*** must a fit Hassell be if he's behind Crainie, Stones and Wiseman for a right back berth and Foster, Wiseman and McNulty (and probably Collins) for a centre half spot?  Crainie looks woeful to me at right back.  Certainly worse than an out of form Stones.  And problies about level with a Wiseman.

And McNulty?  I am so gutted to see how such a fine player from last season has imploded.  He looks absolutely shocking at the moment, game after game.  Beckenbauer can seemingly do nought right, whether it's passing, tackling, marking, or strolling out of defence with the ball.  Dare I say it, right now, he's reminiscent of Dangerous Brian (O'Callaghan).

What did cheer me up was seeing the return of Tim....also Caton came out...a pile of kids (even young Yasmin didn't seem as moody as usual) and Ben 10 showed what a gentleman he was by scoring an own goal winner in the table football to ensure we were beaten by 2 girls with a combined age of 14 (Yasmin and Lily).

It was that kind of day.  (ps, we played well in patches, but despite some solid goalkeeping, a couple of fine strikes and some diabolical defensive play led to a flurry of goals and comprehensive defeat...anyway, I should've just stayed in the pub...I'd already seen the future!)

oh yes, forgot to add - we actually scored, last kick of the game.  Their bloke f***s up and hands it to Tudgay on a plate.
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