Birmingham City 0-5 Barnsley, Saturday 22nd September 2012

And the view from the Camberwell jury…

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU REDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!  So here’s why one must come to these random games (despite them being on telly and all).  What a performance. The biggest away win since visiting Accrington Stanley in the 1930s (probably), we played Brum off the park from start to finish.  Can there have been a more perfect performance?  Even at 0-0 at half time, there’d only been one team in it.  Of course, like any sane Reds fan, one feared we’d pay for those 1^st half misses, but it wasn’t to be….we were AWESOME (dude).

Every outfield player did his bit.  Only Alnwick had nought to do (thank god).  The defence were comfortable, we were dominant in midfield and in Dagnall and Davies, we had a front 2 who Brum simply couldn’t cope with.  It was embarrassing in the 2^nd half, watching Davies up against someone he was stronger than, faster than and (most bizarrely) more skilful than.  Who was that hapless centre half?

*** Davies.  You can’t argue with 4 goals.  1^st time since Currie?
** Dangerous.  Very unlucky not to score, thanks to (at least) 3 great saves from England’s #2. The tip onto the post was particularly fabulous.
* Dawson.  The new Redfearn, driving forward from midfield.

Despatches:  Mellis.  Outstanding, helped by Dawson’s efforts in the middle.

The fans?  Well, dunno if you could hear us, but there was plenty of singing throughout from the 295 (not just when we were winning, tho obviously it got louder as the goals went in).  Mind, I wondered if they’d turn us down on the telly, what with the popular ‘if you’re watching on the telly you’re a cnut’ chant.  Plenty of ‘it’s just like watching Brazil’, which must perk the team up and a few ‘how sh*t must you be?  We’re winning away’ which possibly doesn’t.  Though one of my favourite chants, which I hope to air a little more often, was ‘5-0 to the Barnserlee’, which I find very very catchy.

As for Brum, well, I’ve always said they’re a fickle bunch, judging by the poor numbers they generally bring to Oakwell, but 13,000 odd at home for a team from ‘Britain’s 2^nd city’ is p*** poor. But well done to the 5 or 6000 who stayed to watch the whole pasting.  I know the feeling.

Oh, and sweet revenge for the 5-0 they gave us one year  at Oakwell (0-0 till the keeper got sent off;  Claridge possibly scored a hattrick that day).

Come the final whistle, it was time to button up, zip it up, and run the gauntlet of hundreds of local neanderthals outside (as is the St. Andrew’s custom) but it turned out they’d all gone home, sobbing.

EIEIEIO UP THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Superb.

ps, I heard me and my taxi driver (Molly) were seen on telly.  Now, if THAT doesn't drive up viewing figures, I dunno what will.  I trust I looked as smug as I felt.  F***ing glorious.

pps, 80 odd minutes in, Sarah proclaimed herself bored.  'There hasn't been a goal in 10 minutes' she said. 

Barnsley 1-1 Blackpool, Saturday 15th September 2012

Well, decent game, fair result, against one of the favourites for promotion.  1st half we were the better side, went a goal up (Davies shooting THROUGH the keeper), coulda had 2 penalties for handball (the 1st was a cross flicked on by a Blackpool hand, the 2nd, the guy 'saved' a header, with his hand outstretched).  I can only presume the ref and linesman didn't see them, cos neither were 'ball to hand' or whatever phrase they use these days to claim it's not handball.  Furthermore, the ref was problies a little unlucky in another decision, where he gave us a free kick just as Davies broke clean through.  If he'd not been so quick on the whistle we'd have been looking at 2-0 up.

Having said that, the 2nd half was dominated by the Tangerines and we did well to hold out.

Difficult this week, but I'll go with:

*** Mellis.  Cool, calm and calculating and gets us playing football.

** Davies.  Led the line well and scored - again.

* Alnwick.  I like Alnwick.  He looks like a keeper who's gonna make something happen.  Whether trying to catch a ball, kick it or save it, he always looks like there's mistake around the corner.  Keeps it interesting, see.  On Satdy, he came out for a cross and got nowhere near it, he kicked it along the floor a couple of times when trying to kick it long, but, crucially, he made some decent saves.  In particular, he saved a late one-on-one after Stones was caught in possession in their half attempting to take on his 3rd or 4th man.  Phew!

Sponsors MOTM: Foster (to guffaws around me).  Foster and Wiseman problies had decent games overall, but we lost possession playing 'simple' balls 3 or 4 times in our own half.  We cannot afford to do this.  The '£2m rated' (I read) John Stones again looked awesome, but with a couple of silly errors.  Like a better version of Ryan Shotton.  Cwyka (?) again looked tidy and Dagnall was a handful throughout.  Spot-on tictacs from Hill too, making the front 2 run their socks off before replacing them after 70 mins with Harewood and Done.  Done looked a real threat on the break, tho Harewood was hapless.

Other despatches:  A couple of things bugged me.  First, too much sideways and backwards passing.  There was a time in the 2nd half when Golbourne had 40 yards to run into with the ball (with men up to cross it to) and he stood, looked up, stroked his chin, thought better of it and turned back inside to knock the ball back to the centre half.  And we've also gone back to that old habit of knocking the ball up to a dwarf's (Dagnall) head.  Same last home game.  If you're gonna aim for anyone's head, shouldn't it be DAVIES???

drink du jour:  JD and coke.  And you shoulda seen the grump on Gerry got when we told him he couldn't have any.  (We relented in the end).