BFC 2-2 Reading, Saturday 13th April 2024

‘She’s fitter than him.’

Another game closer in our inexorable crawl to the play-offs. Good job games are fast running out. Today we scrape a draw at home to a side who’ve been fighting relegation all season, though of late, have found some form. So it’s no real surprise to see them go ahead, a near post free header off a corner. Did I see a stat last week about how few corners we concede from despite (because of?) our inability to mark players? Yes, I believe I did. So blame the purveyors of that particular stat for that weak concession. That and the zonal marking, which means if the opposition put an overload on, and the ball is in the right place, there is little we can do.

Could it also have anything to do with Coach Collins’ latest rendition of the back 3? Jordan is back, with MDG and Earl. So it IS all McCart’s fault. Earl meantime, despite a promising start to his Reds career, appears to be getting worse by the week under our Esteemed Leader. He was poor today. Jordan, meantime...how does he ever get back his former RWB form if he’s chopped and changed every week. This week’s RWB of choice is O’Keefe. By the 73rd minute we have 3 (THREE) right wing backs on the pitch – not for the first time, granted – as Cotter joins them. By now we’ve taken off our one wing back who’s any good (Cadden) and made O’Keefe switch wings, Jordan to right back, and Cotter playing right wing.

Cotter. I love Cotter. ‘Mercurial’ doesn’t do him justice. He CAN beat a player, he CAN outpace most players. What he CANNOT do is consistently control a ball, or cross it into an area Cole can ignore. His 17 minutes (plus...6?...injury time) are among the worst of anybody this season, which is saying something as that’s another leaderboard where he’s prominently placed. Anyway, at least Coach Collins is TRYING, even if there appears no horizon to his tactical genius. Oh, and he can chuck a ball. One of his chucks results in Inch-High Jalo scoring a header for two-all, as all the defenders get sucked too close and get under the ball, the fools. Underestimate our Barry at your peril!

Two-all? It was nil-one a minute ago. Yes, we manage an equaliser, as our two best players today combined, McAtee (tee tee) beating his man down the left and lobbing it over for Phillips to arrive and head home. It’s worth a view on t’telly for Cole’s body language at someone else scoring. There’s barely half an hour gone, but Reading receive a blow as Russell gets himself injured and has to limp off. The lump limped off. Fastest he moved all day. Connell is also out, so we’d had Russell and Kane central midfield. I couldn’t see a problem there. On comes his natural replacement, Jalo. Talk about like for like. Obviously, Coach Collins is hampered by having only one substitute approaching being considered ‘midfield’ and I can only imagine what a quality player Grant must be if he can’t get picked ahead of Kane or Russell, or can’t be trusted to replace either. Still, we get to see Jalo, which is what the fans have been clamouring for. He gets to be ‘player who loses the ball most’ though I s’pose that’s more likely as he tries to take players on. At least we played the ball to him, rather than expecting him to win headers or chase a ball down against a faster defender.

The game has been open, but we took control, second half. Least, that’s my memory of it. Goal King Cole has a simple chance to put us ahead, but elects to backheel it to the keeper instead of sweeping it home like any normal centre forward. He is 6 yards out. Coach Collins rings the changes, Cotter on (73), McCart on (79) and, like the last home game (don’t ask me who it was against, there’s some advantages to a poor memory!) it brings instant reward – for the opposition. Reading counter and their bloke hits an absolute ROCKET which hits the net in the middle of the goal. Unfortunately, Roberts has gone early, the ball has swerved and he’s been utterly bamboozled. Is that 3 games in a row he’s conceded from distance with a swerving shot? (I have an acute memory for certain things!)

With defeat looking likely, and all our ideas well and truly spent, Barry Cotter steps up to the plate on special teams. (Is that what they say in Yank football?) So THAT’S why he’s in the team. He’s never a FOOTballer, but he can’t half hoick a ball. Go Bazzer! Go Jalo! Go scraping into the play-offs!

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips. Class on the ball and looked our most likely scorer before he was.
** McAtee. ‘And they call him McAtee.’ But of course they do, Ponty End. The clue is in his name.
* Jalo. Like Bazza, thrilling to watch.

Official MOTM: Jalo.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. McAtee 3. Jalo

Despatches:
My friend Diane was away this week, so I went and watched some footballers’ legs down the front with Slacki. It’s like watching telly 30cm from the screen. It’s all in front of you but you can’t see owt. It consumes your entire lense, yet you’ve no idea how far out that last shot was. So don’t ask me how certain players played. Or if they played.

And if the answer is ’14 games’…what is the question?

Oh, and one of those things I miss about travelling back with the Londontykes...asking Reading/QPR fans how QPR/Reading have gone on today. To see their faces light up at someone showing an interest in their ‘meh’ teams, only to let them down by asking how a completely different side got on... (Thanks to Reedy at HT for that one. I hope you managed it on your way back!)

Drink du jour: Beertown Inception in Spiral City, a delightful hazy pale ale. (The Northern Monk Faith obvs didn’t last long!)

Away: c.600. I don’t think they announced it, though they said the overall figure.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
£45 retro shirt
= c.£53

Stevenage 2-1 BFC, Tuesday 9th April 2024

‘Our boy Spot is a gentle giant. He likes to come down for lots of fuss and licks your hand in appreciation. He can even be seen relaxing in our office on the sofa and has such a loving personality you can’t help but fall in love with him.’

It is the dawn of a new era. We have gone from BC (‘Before Cat’) to AD (‘After Death of cat’). After ten glorious years with us, Redfearn, AKA Redders / Reds / Redfearndinho / Big Cat / Little Fella / Puss / Puss’cat / Fat Boy / Super Purry Animal / Fur Features / Cuddle Cat / T. Cat / Tibbles has bitten the dust. Taken away by cancer in the prime of his life (ok, in human years, 72...about average in my family) his weight had plummeted in 3 months from 7.5kg to 4.5 as his eating fell off a cliff. For those of us attempting to lose some weight, there’s a top tip in there somewhere.

So it was that my long envisaged few days down in the capital to see us obliterate Charlton and Stevenage were…obliterated. Like the Super Reds, really. We’ve now more away defeats in 4 days than we had all season. Perfect timing with the play-offs looming. Can we still miss out on a not-very-coveted semi-final place? Well, we’re trying, though I wouldn’t say the forthcoming fixtures are quite kind enough for BOTH Lincoln and Oxford to overtake us.

Yes, we managed to lose again, in what many were saying was our worst performance of the season. It was certainly the worst I’d seen. Worse than Cambridge home, just the other week? I’d say so. A terrible opening half was bettered (worsered?) by an abysmal second. I was just pleased that Farnham was there to give his usual half-time assessment of ‘I hope that was our bad half’. It wasn’t. It’s not quite what I’d envisioned for our historical first ever visit to Stevenage.

Somehow, we were level at half-time. The Boro (why did they drop the ‘Borough’ part of their name, to sound as dull as anywhere else?) spurned 3 goalden opportunities to take the lead before a ball over the top from keeper Roberts was latched onto by Phillips, who nonchalantly lobbed the keeper. A finish so cool I had to rub my eyes and double check it wasn’t McAtee. As it was at the far end, debate abounded as to how he wasn’t offside, and whether the kick was a goal kick. Our minds had collectively drifted at the anaemic performance. (It was a free kick from the edge of our box.)

Beforehand, they’d had two free headers (directed at the keeper) and a tap-in from a fantastic run and cross from their right, which the centre forward somehow scuffed wide from 3 yards. I thought only WE had players who could do that.

After our goal we enjoy our best spell of the match. Russell goes clear but a mix of defender and keeper put the block on. Have we broken Boro’s spine? Onwards to victory! Or not. It’s the 2nd minute of 5 mins injury time and their bloke cuts inside from the left and drills it low into the bottom corner. Now, I may be being a bit harsh on Roberts, but from where we were (right in front of where the player cuts inside) there’s only one place their bloke can score and it’s Roberts’ near post. There’s that many other players in the centre, he’d have trouble finding the net that way. However, the defence hardly cover themselves in glory, panicking, losing their men and running towards the 6 yard box like headless chickens.

Hopes that their goal would wake us up at half-time prove false. Coach Collins sends em out and tells them to carry as before. Cosgrove fails to get on the end of a wicked RW cross before they go ahead with a free kick that avoids the wall entirely and curls into the middle of the goal. How does Roberts NOT save that? That’s two (weak) free kicks in 2 games he’s conceded. Do we have anyone who can practice weak free kicks, so he’s ready for the next one? (That’s rhetorical.)

Then Roberts keeps us in it with 3 magnificent saves. I’d have preferred him to do this at nil nil. We get a bit lucky when another shot cannons off the post from 20 yards, their attacker getting the shot off despite being surrounded by 4, 5 Reds defenders. We are awful.

By now, Coach Collins has sprung into action. He’s only gone and sent on CAK (Cole and Kane) for Cosgrove and Russell. Heaven help us. Herbie somehow punts a ball out for a corner with his 1st touch. Cole fails to get on to the end of a delicious RW ball (I tell you, it’s EVERY game!) but, with maybe 10 mins left, he’s clean through. How did that happen? He’s 10 yards out, pulling his leg back…even I have to admit he’s scoring this one...when he’s taken out from behind. Bl**dy hell. It’s a penalty, and a sending off to boot. The defender makes no intention of playing the ball. There’s no way he even can. The ref waves play on. (He’s poorly positioned, directly behind the defender and Cole, but what’s the linesman doing? Not watching play, that’s for sure.) Still, a more reasonable man than I would say we got what we deserved, which was absolutely f.all.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Nobody. It was shoddy from front to back.
** Nobody. Honestly, Nobody shone throughout.
* Nobody. I’m almost tempted to give Roberts a point. Or Phillips. But I won’t, cos I’ve come over all Tom (petty).

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
For the uninitiated, the football magazine 442 listed its top 50 EFL players in this month’s edition. Now, obviously, they do it to provide discussion / controversy by including some League 1 and 2 players. (Are you telling me at least 40 of the best 50 don’t play for the current top 4 in the Championship?) So obviously they include 2 (TWO) Reds players. Are you starting to laugh yet? Which two, do you think? My guesses were Connell and MDG. Yes, I know Connell is half the player he was last season, but who else could POSSIBLY be in 442’s thoughts? McAtee? Ah, but he’s not ours. Can I have a drum roll, please? I give you CAK. Cole and Kane. I kid you not. At #27 and #25 respectively (I’m told – I haven’t actually read it. Christ, I thought it was a FOOTBALL magazine. The least I’d expect a football magazine to know about is FOOTBALL.) Two players who wouldn’t (and didn’t, last nite) make our starting XI. The world has gone MAD. I just wish this edition had come out in December and convinced some mug to buy them (BOGOF?) in January.

Oh, Jalo came on last nite, so that was good news. He got chopped 3 times in 5 minutes. Tho I wish the older bloke on the supporters coach would stop calling him JLO. That’s Jenny from the block (used to have a little, now she has a lot). Had a half chance, disappointingly dragged wide.

Cosgrove. Where to start. Just insert any game from his entire season (apart from that last 30 seconds at home to Wycombe). Defenders can do what they like with him without recourse, but the minute a defender goes over it’s their free kick. We had a doozy last nite, as their keeper came out to punch and cleaned out his own defender. Free kick for a foul by Cosgrove. It’s getting silly.

Oh, and thanks in despatches to Nice Guy Chris, having a pint ready for me in the social club. The place was large too and I got to see their mascot, Boro Bear. There was another social club behind the away end. It’s embarrassing that a club that were non-league last week (it seems) have fan facilities far superior to our own. What do we have? A posh bar in the East Stand you have to pay a fiver just to get into?

Course, I only had time for a rushed pint cos I came down with the official supporters club. Why get there a couple of hours before kick-off when you can make it one (with half an hour at Peterborough services)? It’s a long way to come to watch that sh*te, so the least I’d want is chance to have a beer with my mates. Oh well. Maybe I need to enquire about the unofficial coaches. Mind, have you ever known a bus with 4 Allans (Alans) on it? Me neither. But I did last nite. (And one of them wasn’t even Bloore). You don’t have to be over 50 and called Al(l)an to be an official supporters club traveller, but it helps.

Mind, the unofficial coaches will have some of our best nobheads on, won’t they? Yoof who are keen to dole it out, but when one of their charges gets chucked out for being a d*ck, they’re all squealing ‘but he’s only 16!’

Once again, we were regaled with the ‘Neil Collins, your football is s***’ chant. True, but still. The same boo boys were deriding the long balls...though seemed happy enough when Phillips scored from the longest of them. I do share their frustration though. We either tippy-tappy it about (hello Herbie!) or launch it long to players who can’t win a ball, nevermind hold it up (Hi Devante!). I have never known a set of supporters feel so low as they enter the play-offs. Yes, I’m still saying we’ll make the play-offs.

R.I.P. Redders. Love you.

Drink du jour: Level Up IPA. Very nice.

Away 769.

The Damage:
£25 ent (£1 admin fee)
c.£8 petrol
£27 coach
= c.£60

Burton Albion 1-3 BFC, Monday 1st April 2024

‘Get off the f***ing pitch you s*** c***’

The atmosphere in the away end started positive. The fans were getting behind the team, albeit there was some mystification behind Coach Collins’ selections and strategy. No Devante Cole (no argument here!) or McAtee. Or Phillips. Jon Russell was in the starting line up, a fact I learnt as some bloke started singing ‘it’s all Jonny Russell’s fault’ in the bog, pre-match. Collins has morphed into Gary Flitcroft, changing a winning (away) set up to demonstrate his continental appeal. Russell, in front of a back 4. Cadden pushed further forward and Earl playing left back. McCart and MdG centre halves. O’Keefe in front of Jordan on the right and Cosgrove up top on his own. 4-1-4-1. This’ll do well when we’re playing at Camp Nou.

One obvious advantage to all this is that Kane sees very little of the ball. Pushed further forward and without the safety net of 4 unmarked defenders to play it back or square to, he’s not in the game. (It took me a while to realise he was playing, as I scanned the field for changes.) However, with only one player up, the ball didn’t last long in their half and I don’t remember us having a sniff at goal.

Burton, meantime, looked poor but were allowed 2 or 3 snapshots at our goal. It’s ok though, I get it, the players are getting used to a new formation. But the lackadaisical attitude is summed up in Connell losing the ball on the halfway line goal and their player being allowed to run forward 25 yards before burying it into the bottom corner. The negative energy in the away end, thus far bubbling under, bursts forth. ‘Neill Collins…your football is s***’. And it is. This is woeful. Still, I am amused to hear the old Bambo Diaby chant, a surefire sign Washday are losing. I feel much better knowing he laiks for them and not us. Half-time comes with our fans chanting for the coach’s head, though I didn’t hear that. Maybe I’d blocked it out.

Truth be told, I was already in a bad mood. My back is killing me and I’ve made the mistake of standing. My second mistake is in not getting there early enough to bag a crash barrier to lean on. (Miraculously, my back doesn’t feel so bad later on, as we start scoring. Go figure.) I’ve also had a bit of a mare, pre-match. Driving to the outlaws in Lichfield, the A38 turnoff is closed (HS2! Yes, work is still on going in certain non-northern parts of the country!) and my satnav gets lost. At one point, I’ve turned the suburbs of Lichfield into the countryside with a sign saying ‘Lichfield 3½’.

Later, I arrange to have a pre-match drink with Chris. Let’s just say it didn’t go to plan as I allow Chris carte blanche. He’s near the station, he’ll find a place. I drive past the ground, park up near town, and find he’s wandered towards the Pirelli, past a couple of pubs (closed). I end up back where I was half an hour earlier, in a crap pub (The Beech) by the ground reserved for the away fans. In the home of brewing, I enjoy a...Cruzcampo. Spanish lager. Brilliant. I said I was in a bad mood. (It appears it was my fault for mishearing Chris, and it probably was. This is what happens when there’s no Andy Reed to orchestrate drinking.)

Where was I? Oh yes, half-time. Does Coach Collins stick with the experiment, have a word with the players, explain what they’ve done wrong, what to change (everything?) Or does he make actual changes? Bl**dy hell, it’s b). Phillips and McAtee (tee tee) are on, Kane and O’Keefe hauled. (I have to admit, I hadn’t realised O’Keefe was playing, nevermind Kane.) We are back to 3-5-2. You can imagine my disappointment, as if we start scoring, I’ll have nothing to moan about.

We start scoring. Less than 10 minutes have been played and McAtee has already put 2 dangerous crosses into the box (where’s Cosgrove?) before he takes matters into his own hands and smashes in the rebound after Phillips hits the post with an open goal header. 10 minutes later, he’s put us in the lead. The goal is both bizarre and brilliant. Cosgrove plays him in near the halfway line and, with the keeper in no-man’s land, McAtee hits it early and bamboozles the custodian from around 35 yards out. Anyone else would try controlling the ball first. Anyone else would NEED to control the ball first. Pure class.

The coup de grace is administered by Connell. In a finish reminiscent of Burton’s goal, defenders back off and back off before Luca hits it low from 20 yards across the keeper. And there’s always something sweet about being right behind a shot you can see the keeper is never getting to. I could have jumped around long before the ball hit the net, but I’ve a crippling back injury. Have I mentioned it?

By now, it’s a procession. The fans are onside, though an attempt at ‘EIEIEIO’ stalls before it gets to ‘Collins is our king’. But fair play to the coach. He doesn’t want to embarrass Burton, so sticks on Cole to stop the scoring. He has one chance, as another defensive aberration sees him up against the keeper on the edge of the box. Can he drop a shoulder, feint one way, go the other, and leave the keeper on his backside for a tap-in? No, he gets tackled.

Onwards and upwards!

*** McAtee (tee tee). Came on and turned the game. I wish he was ours.
** MdG. A magnificent performance. MOTM any other game, he won every physical battle, made interceptions, brought the ball out. Got done once, and that was at 3-1 up.
* Cosgrove. Created the first two goals with a flick on and pass.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
I have a theory. You see all them home defeats? It’s that comedy home shirt. The players are embarrassed. Our only away defeat this season? Derby County. What strip were we wearing? That comedy shirt. I rest my case, m’lud. No further submissions. The opposition can’t take us seriously when we wear that shirt.

That said, I think I read this is the most number of away wins by a Reds side EVER (with 4 to play). Most points, most all sorts. Longest unbeaten away run. What have we lost at home? 6? 7? Mind, maybe SUPPORT helps too. The away fans generally get behind the team, and at home...well. We’ve had decent support in two home games...Derby and Bolton. We won one and were seconds away from winning the other. However, I’d argue CRITICISM helps too...we turned it around at Lincoln and Burton (and maybe others) after the fans turned on the players. So maybe just some NOISE from us makes a difference, instead of the usual chuntering on and leaving early (all home games). Or telling the yoofs off for singing about the Pope and the IRA. Who cares? (It was allowed today, and they only did it once.)

Finally, Connell. I know it’s blasphemy to criticise (potentially) our best player. But I was amazed to learn his goal was his 1st of the season. No wonder we’re struggling, if the centre forward isn’t bagging and our 2 central midfielders (Connell, Kane) offer such few goals. Thank goodness for McAtee (tee tee) and, to a lesser extent, Cosgrove.

Drink du jour: Cruzcampo.

Away: c.1300. Didn’t look a sellout, which shows the lack of belief at the moment.

The Damage:
£20 ent (£2 admin fee)
£3 programme
c.£30 petrol
= c.£53

Bury 1-1 Wythenshawe, Saturday 30th March 2024

Bury 1-1 Wythenshawe, North West Counties League Premier, Gigg Lane, att. 4,212

Easter is often cited as the time when promotion and relegation issues become a lot clearer, but in the North West Counties League Premier Division, it really is the case. 3 sides, Wythenshawe Town, Wythenshawe and Bury, are chasing the one automatic place going into the Easter weekend and the former two are playing each other on the Monday. Today, 3rd plays host to 2nd (Bury v Wythenshawe) while Town put their feet up and rest. The pre-match table looks like this:

Pld Pts GD
1. Wythenshawe Town 42 86 +45
2. Wythenshawe 40 84 +58
3. Bury 40 81 +54

Darlo Kev turns down the opportunity to come. He’s depressed after the Quakers result yesterday and is off to the seaside (hopefully not to top himself). I’m similarly down after my own side, Barnsley, lost at home yesterday to a side who’d lost 6 in 7 (one draw), killing any aspirations of the top 2. Let this proto-promotion decider perk me up!

I was keen to visit Bury as they hang around the dead men of the 9th tier. What’s it like playing in a division where crowds are often around the 300 mark? Last time I was at Gigg Lane they were happily overspending in the 3rd tier. I wonder how that panned out? I’m not worried about getting in, after all, the capacity is 12,500, isn’t it? And even though it’s a top of the table clash, I’m not envisioning a sellout. Dangerous.

It turns out huge swathes of Gigg Lane aren’t open to fans. ‘Who do you blame?’ ‘The council’ says a helpful lady, as she encourages me to get in the Cemetery End ASAP, as she ‘doesn’t want me to miss out after coming all this way’ (a 40 minute drive over the Pennines). The South and Main Stands are sold out and the Manchester Road End closed to the public. The Main Stand is maybe at 20% capacity, the South Stand 80%, but rules is rules. I head for the Cemetery End.

I’m incredibly early, there’s an hour to kick-off. But I thought I’d get parked (which turns out to be in a side street a couple of hundred metres from the ground) and perhaps have a pre-match snifter. There are signs to a bar on the Main Stand side, but, of course, I can’t get into that bit. So I head under the Cemetery End to see what’s on offer in the concourse. It is AWFUL in there, a massed queue down a dingy corridor, half of it closed off. With a bumper crowd here today (Bury’s 2nd highest of the season after their Boxing Day fixture), the interval is worse, as there’s space for half a dozen blokes at a time in the loos to have a ‘comfort break’.

I peruse the alcoholic offerings. Strongbow, Strongbow Dark Fruits and Carling. So nothing drinkable there then, so I head into the stand, back row, to read my programme. Or programmes. The game was previously postponed in February, so I get the original programme as well as an updated 16 page inlay. Excellent. I learn that Wythenshawe were formed in 1946 and they’re currently playing at their highest ever level, in stark contrast to the Shakers.

It’s actually quite cosy, the Cemetary End, as the roof wraps around to the South Stand. There’s also no pillars in my way, though it’s been built a number of yards behind the goal. Perhaps there’s a reason they didn’t build it closer, thereby also giving themselves more space to have a concourse, rather than a corridor, under the stand? The other three stands all have pillars, though the enclosed nature of the ground, the blue seats and even the corrugated roof fascias all bring to mind a smaller version of Loftus Road. It’s dated (without being historic) but snug. I am also pleased to hear ‘Olympic’ by 808 State (better known as the theme tune to The Word) pre-match. There is not enough 808 State played at football these days.

The match is keenly fought, as one would expect, though Bury have the upper hand for the most part, as they should. A side with over four thousand here today ought to be too much for a side with a usual crowd of less than one-tenth that. They go ahead in the 63rd minute as Captain Tom Moore (no, not that one) bundles home a free kick. Reward then for his constant moaning on at the ref for not booking the free kick’s original miscreant (ignoring that his own player then kicked out at said visitor).

Bury are in total control, barring the odd counter. Even then, Wythenshawe don’t have the courage of their convictions to actually test the home keeper. Time is running out, fans are leaving. The board shows 8 minutes of injury time. 6 mins in, there’s still no sign of the Ammies causing an upset. I head down the steps, seeing others stood at the pitch perimeter, ready for a quick getaway. By the time I join them, all hell’s broken loose. What’s going on? It’s a penalty to Wythenshawe. Although I never took my eye off the pitch, it’s at the far end and by now I’m at pitch level.

By the time Bryan Ly steps up to take it, we’re past the 8 minutes. There’s no doubt time’s up. Is the pressure of playing in front of his biggest crowd of the season too much pressure for Ly? Or does it help that there’s no fans behind that goal? He steps up, scores, and the Wythenshawe 100 in one corner of the Cemetery End go wild. They can’t believe it. Not only has David grabbed a draw at Goliath, it’s put Wythenshawe in control of their own destiny at the top end of the North West Counties League. The ref blows for full-time and their players race to the aforementioned corner to celebrate. Good luck to ‘em.

The Damage: £10 ent £3 programme = £13

*2 days later, on Easter Monday, Wythanshawe lose the derby at Town 2-1, in front of 1200. The table now looks like this:

Pld Pts GD
1. Wythenshawe Town 43 89 +46
2. Wythenshawe 42 85 +57
3. Bury 42 85 +55

It is, as they say, ‘all to play for’! (46 matches in the season.)